On quiet night shifts I'm always in search of ways of staying awake and my mind starts wandering a lot. I end up thinking about things, sometimes things I shouldn't think about anymore... but that's what happens when one is idle. While I could be doing other things, the mental desire just isn't there when you're struggling with fatigue.
Anyways, time for another YouTube post. My world is kind of turning mad. Most of you have probably heard this version of the song by Gary Jules that's in the Gears of War video game commercial on TV. While I personally liked the Tears for Fears version better, I'm in the mood for depression. The tone of this cover just fits how I feel lately. The video is pretty cool too. So here it is.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Savin' Me
The season just finished its first half, but I find myself asking some of those questions in this promo... and the lyrics of this song seems to be speaking what I've been feeling.
Yup, I've just lost 2 months of progress... and for what?
Can I make the same choice Adama makes at the end? Doubt it.
---
Hurry... I'm falling...
Say it if it's worth savin' me...
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Meee-yoooo-siiiick
Well, I AM sick at home, but the title was just a silly way of saying 'Music' if you didn't get that... anyways... felt like posting a vid of one of my fav 80s songs. It's the live version since the actual MTV was too 80s cheesy =P. I'm definitely going to try to hunt down the piano scoresheet for this one. Might need it one day... =P
EDIT: The original video got removed... so here's another live performance vid. I wish they had this in karaoke...
EDIT: The original video got removed... so here's another live performance vid. I wish they had this in karaoke...
Thursday, December 07, 2006
If I Lay Here...
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
I've said too much
But not enough
If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me,
And just forget the world?
...
All that I am
All that I ever was
It's here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never
Change for us at all
If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me,
And just forget the world?
Friday, December 01, 2006
The Goods and The Bads
I can never understand how there are always those days/nights that I make some of the most stupidest mistakes on the job ever... after 2 years of working you'd think I'd know better by now. I don't know...
I'm a bit peeved that I let this slip through my hands. I should've caught it. But I didn't and I nearly got into serious shit for it. Luckily, there was no big impact that mattered, so it became a learning experience for me and my friend who's new at the job. While he would have learned the most, but for me this was a lesson I shouldn't have needed repeating. Things like this really get on my nerves. Maybe I'm being a bit unfair to myself and being too hard, but I would expect to not have these things happen by now. It's kinda ridiculous...
It also had to happen on the day I had my interview for the job that I really want to move to. Great, this will really help...
Sigh... Why can't I just grow up already? I've screwed up enough times as it is... am I being too hard on myself? Too many second chances... and yet sometimes too few...
I'm a bit peeved that I let this slip through my hands. I should've caught it. But I didn't and I nearly got into serious shit for it. Luckily, there was no big impact that mattered, so it became a learning experience for me and my friend who's new at the job. While he would have learned the most, but for me this was a lesson I shouldn't have needed repeating. Things like this really get on my nerves. Maybe I'm being a bit unfair to myself and being too hard, but I would expect to not have these things happen by now. It's kinda ridiculous...
It also had to happen on the day I had my interview for the job that I really want to move to. Great, this will really help...
Sigh... Why can't I just grow up already? I've screwed up enough times as it is... am I being too hard on myself? Too many second chances... and yet sometimes too few...
Sunday, November 12, 2006
You Raise Me Up
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be...
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Leaving it all behind
Song of the moment: Utada Hikaru - Final Distance
---------------
A month... some of us still can't believe that an entire 31-day span has passed since Leslie left us. The pain still lingers, our hearts still long for the good old days when all of us could be together to share wonderful family moments like always. But we have to face the reality. My parents lost a cherished daughter. We siblings of four have become three.
I feel that I'm probably the only one who seems to have gone back to normal life almost completely. Yes, I still feel the pain. There are situations or things I hear that might remind me of Leslie and I'll end up having to step aside to cry and mourn, but for the most part, I've been ok. I've been going back to work and sounding pretty much the same. I've kept the same cheerful attitude when dealing with people at the office and it's as if nothing's changed. I think the only time it isn't is when I'm at home. Things do feel a bit less cheerful than usual, but that goes without saying.
I think perhaps it's because I have a tendency of taking things for granted when someone isn't around. I've been used to Leslie being physically away so that explains why I'm able to feel that it's not that much different. But when it dawns on me that she's physically away FOREVER, then it hits me. Things definitely will never be the same, but I don't want to see us so emotionally crippled that we've lost our touch with our goals and dreams.
Goals and dreams... knowing how much Leslie accomplished in her time on Earth, I feel that it's time I started to push myself more to get more done than ever before. I only wish that it didn't have to be in this circumstance. I should've thought that way long ago. I have to push myself in terms of getting my career goals going, and of course, other goals... though not sure what I can do in that area right now however.
It's interesting how many things have changed during the 2 weeks I was gone in HK... the future certainly is looking different than I had originally thought. A lot of interesting... 'politics' and 'talk'... and I am thinking a lot of it will continue to cement my self-identity. I'm starting to feel that I'm getting more comfortable with who I am than before. Perhaps I am maturing after all... should provide a nice self-confidence boost.
But to put it to the test... hmmm... where?
---------------
A month... some of us still can't believe that an entire 31-day span has passed since Leslie left us. The pain still lingers, our hearts still long for the good old days when all of us could be together to share wonderful family moments like always. But we have to face the reality. My parents lost a cherished daughter. We siblings of four have become three.
I feel that I'm probably the only one who seems to have gone back to normal life almost completely. Yes, I still feel the pain. There are situations or things I hear that might remind me of Leslie and I'll end up having to step aside to cry and mourn, but for the most part, I've been ok. I've been going back to work and sounding pretty much the same. I've kept the same cheerful attitude when dealing with people at the office and it's as if nothing's changed. I think the only time it isn't is when I'm at home. Things do feel a bit less cheerful than usual, but that goes without saying.
I think perhaps it's because I have a tendency of taking things for granted when someone isn't around. I've been used to Leslie being physically away so that explains why I'm able to feel that it's not that much different. But when it dawns on me that she's physically away FOREVER, then it hits me. Things definitely will never be the same, but I don't want to see us so emotionally crippled that we've lost our touch with our goals and dreams.
Goals and dreams... knowing how much Leslie accomplished in her time on Earth, I feel that it's time I started to push myself more to get more done than ever before. I only wish that it didn't have to be in this circumstance. I should've thought that way long ago. I have to push myself in terms of getting my career goals going, and of course, other goals... though not sure what I can do in that area right now however.
It's interesting how many things have changed during the 2 weeks I was gone in HK... the future certainly is looking different than I had originally thought. A lot of interesting... 'politics' and 'talk'... and I am thinking a lot of it will continue to cement my self-identity. I'm starting to feel that I'm getting more comfortable with who I am than before. Perhaps I am maturing after all... should provide a nice self-confidence boost.
But to put it to the test... hmmm... where?
Sunday, October 29, 2006
"Captain, we have a problem..."
"I just don't think this is a good idea..."
"Well, if you got any better ideas, now's the time."
"Time's the problem. You see, you and I... are nothing..."
"... unless we can get out of here..."
"Well, if you got any better ideas, now's the time."
"Time's the problem. You see, you and I... are nothing..."
"... unless we can get out of here..."
Saturday, October 21, 2006
We will never forget our beloved sister... RIP Leslie Chui (05/30/1973 - 09/30/2006)
(This will be a long one...)
We see it in the news all the time... many events unfold in the world where people's lives are suddenly taken away without warning. Reading about it from the comforts of our own homes, we seldom ever understand what kind of impact such events have on those people most impacted by them. For my family, September 30, 2006 was the day that would change everything...
I was at work that day, reaching the last hour of my shift before I was to go home on another usual Friday and weekend break. Probably eat with my dad after his golf game, and then hopefully try to find some friends to go chill with. But at 5:42 pm, the unthinkable happened halfway around the world. My eldest sister Linda called my cell phone around that time. She was frantic and had broken down into tears. I was very afraid as I didn't know what was going on until she said it, "Leslie has passed away." I could not believe it. She couldn't believe it also because Leslie's husband, Vincent, called from HK sounding also very traumatised and in tears. She was hoping that she mis-heard and that something less serious happened. I immediately called dad to try to get some confirmation and if he heard anything. The next 30 minutes were excruciating... Finally, it was confirmed: Leslie had passed away after surgery. I rushed home.
My dad was the first to arrive home after me. Not since my grandfather's passing had I seen my dad in such a state. Then Linda came over. Mom was over in China right now but we needed to reach her right away. We had no phone numbers for mom so we called our Aunt in HK and woke them up. They called my mom and told her to go back to HK right away. We didn't tell mom what happened in fear of what her reaction would be so it was best to get her to HK with ppl to be with her. Meanwhile phone calls were going back and forth to Vincent as we continued to hear what happened and why.
My other sister Grace was working and her phone was off. Linda called her workplace 3 times to try to get to her. Luckily we did. The next thing was to figure out travel arrangements to HK. But the final wait was to see when mom would get to the hospital in HK. It would take her a good 2-3 hours. She called when she got on the boat. No one could talk to her in fear of giving it away so I talked to her. I just told her to get to the hospital and to trust me to just get there. After that, I finally cried because I dreaded what was to come. To hear mom's worried voice, I knew it would only get worse when the moment of truth arrived for her.
Another excruciating wait. Finally, around sometime after midnight, she arrived. I think the whole hospital could hear her screams. We heard it too over the phone and we all cried heavily. It was so painful... still is...
My dad and I flew to HK that Sunday. My uncle and another aunt picked us up from HK station in Central. My mom was there. I just held her as she cried to me. My aunt was gracious enough to lend us her empty apartment in Wan Chai to stay. It was the same apartment I lived in on my visits to HK in 1989 and 1994. It was renovated and a bit different, but still the same place that I remembered. My other sisters would arrive later on as Grace was renewing her passport and couldn't leave until it was done. Had to wait until that night to find out if it was ready. Luckily it was so they could fly out Tuesday arriving Wednesday.
Tuesday we went with Vincent to the hospital as he had to do some paperwork. There, we went up to the 5th floor and I got to see the ward that Leslie was in. My mom had a chance to talk to the nurses and gave them a box of chocolates from Canada. Leslie wanted mom to give the chocolates when she was better and released from hospital as thanks for the care they gave, but alas... There was also another patient in the ward that suffered the same illness as my sister. So my mom talked to her and gave her words of encouragement. The other patient was very sad as well since she feared that it could also be her in the future. I can't start to imagine how she must feel.
Wednesday. Up to this point in time, everything still felt a bit surreal to me. But today, once my sisters arrived, we went straight to the hospital morgue to see Leslie for the last time before the funeral. I will never, NEVER forget that moment. To see her like that... that image will forever be ingrained in my mind. We all broke down. It was too much to bear. It finally sunk in that I will never see her again...
Thursday. Had to go to the hospital again to meet the pathologist and police rep to confirm the death for the paperwork to get going. My parents chose not to come so we siblings went along with Vincent. The pathologist explained that by HK law, any person that dies within 48 hrs of a surgery has to undergo an autopsy. This was going to delay having the funeral service for at least a week. We didn't like the sound of that, but filing a request to waive the autopsy would take a few more days and the coroner makes the final call anyway, so we decided to just let it go. The surgeon also asked to speak to us. I was a bit weary of seeing him since we don't know what exactly happened and would we hear a truthful story? Well, I still don't know what to think about it now, but what else can we do?
All that was left was to wait. We killed time in HK and also went up to China for a few days. Finally the funeral service in HK. We had a small room in the HK funeral home, and a lot of people showed up. It was a tough night. We flew back to Toronto with the casket the next day. All I'll say is, it's nice to have had so many relatives in HK. It was nice to see them all again, although I wish it wasn't under these circumstances. We got some nice service on the plane thanks to an ex-neighbor and friend of Grace's who worked in AC and spread the word to her colleagues on the flight. Many thanks to them for that.
Finally, the service and burial in Toronto. We made a slideshow to show at the funeral home this time. Oh seeing those pics made me miss her so much more. In HK, her mentor from her early teaching days gave the eulogy. In Toronto, it was given by us 3 siblings. While my sisters did most of the talking about her life, Grace found a poem that I got to read and also some last words of encouragement to my parents. We have to remember them too: to continue to live our lives to the fullest as Leslie had so that no time would be wasted.
Anyways, that was long... but I needed to write this up... Thanks if you've actually read this far. I just want to make one more request. Leslie had been suffering from lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM for short) for the past year. It is a very rare disease (to the point that only thanks to Leslie did HK doctors even know it existed!) that impacts the lungs. You can go to the LAM Canada website for more exact info. But please make a donation in honour of Leslie Chui. It will mean a lot to me.
Leslie, we love you... and we'll miss you terribly. But at least now you're at rest and in a better place. Wait for us, we'll all see you soon...
We see it in the news all the time... many events unfold in the world where people's lives are suddenly taken away without warning. Reading about it from the comforts of our own homes, we seldom ever understand what kind of impact such events have on those people most impacted by them. For my family, September 30, 2006 was the day that would change everything...
I was at work that day, reaching the last hour of my shift before I was to go home on another usual Friday and weekend break. Probably eat with my dad after his golf game, and then hopefully try to find some friends to go chill with. But at 5:42 pm, the unthinkable happened halfway around the world. My eldest sister Linda called my cell phone around that time. She was frantic and had broken down into tears. I was very afraid as I didn't know what was going on until she said it, "Leslie has passed away." I could not believe it. She couldn't believe it also because Leslie's husband, Vincent, called from HK sounding also very traumatised and in tears. She was hoping that she mis-heard and that something less serious happened. I immediately called dad to try to get some confirmation and if he heard anything. The next 30 minutes were excruciating... Finally, it was confirmed: Leslie had passed away after surgery. I rushed home.
My dad was the first to arrive home after me. Not since my grandfather's passing had I seen my dad in such a state. Then Linda came over. Mom was over in China right now but we needed to reach her right away. We had no phone numbers for mom so we called our Aunt in HK and woke them up. They called my mom and told her to go back to HK right away. We didn't tell mom what happened in fear of what her reaction would be so it was best to get her to HK with ppl to be with her. Meanwhile phone calls were going back and forth to Vincent as we continued to hear what happened and why.
My other sister Grace was working and her phone was off. Linda called her workplace 3 times to try to get to her. Luckily we did. The next thing was to figure out travel arrangements to HK. But the final wait was to see when mom would get to the hospital in HK. It would take her a good 2-3 hours. She called when she got on the boat. No one could talk to her in fear of giving it away so I talked to her. I just told her to get to the hospital and to trust me to just get there. After that, I finally cried because I dreaded what was to come. To hear mom's worried voice, I knew it would only get worse when the moment of truth arrived for her.
Another excruciating wait. Finally, around sometime after midnight, she arrived. I think the whole hospital could hear her screams. We heard it too over the phone and we all cried heavily. It was so painful... still is...
My dad and I flew to HK that Sunday. My uncle and another aunt picked us up from HK station in Central. My mom was there. I just held her as she cried to me. My aunt was gracious enough to lend us her empty apartment in Wan Chai to stay. It was the same apartment I lived in on my visits to HK in 1989 and 1994. It was renovated and a bit different, but still the same place that I remembered. My other sisters would arrive later on as Grace was renewing her passport and couldn't leave until it was done. Had to wait until that night to find out if it was ready. Luckily it was so they could fly out Tuesday arriving Wednesday.
Tuesday we went with Vincent to the hospital as he had to do some paperwork. There, we went up to the 5th floor and I got to see the ward that Leslie was in. My mom had a chance to talk to the nurses and gave them a box of chocolates from Canada. Leslie wanted mom to give the chocolates when she was better and released from hospital as thanks for the care they gave, but alas... There was also another patient in the ward that suffered the same illness as my sister. So my mom talked to her and gave her words of encouragement. The other patient was very sad as well since she feared that it could also be her in the future. I can't start to imagine how she must feel.
Wednesday. Up to this point in time, everything still felt a bit surreal to me. But today, once my sisters arrived, we went straight to the hospital morgue to see Leslie for the last time before the funeral. I will never, NEVER forget that moment. To see her like that... that image will forever be ingrained in my mind. We all broke down. It was too much to bear. It finally sunk in that I will never see her again...
Thursday. Had to go to the hospital again to meet the pathologist and police rep to confirm the death for the paperwork to get going. My parents chose not to come so we siblings went along with Vincent. The pathologist explained that by HK law, any person that dies within 48 hrs of a surgery has to undergo an autopsy. This was going to delay having the funeral service for at least a week. We didn't like the sound of that, but filing a request to waive the autopsy would take a few more days and the coroner makes the final call anyway, so we decided to just let it go. The surgeon also asked to speak to us. I was a bit weary of seeing him since we don't know what exactly happened and would we hear a truthful story? Well, I still don't know what to think about it now, but what else can we do?
All that was left was to wait. We killed time in HK and also went up to China for a few days. Finally the funeral service in HK. We had a small room in the HK funeral home, and a lot of people showed up. It was a tough night. We flew back to Toronto with the casket the next day. All I'll say is, it's nice to have had so many relatives in HK. It was nice to see them all again, although I wish it wasn't under these circumstances. We got some nice service on the plane thanks to an ex-neighbor and friend of Grace's who worked in AC and spread the word to her colleagues on the flight. Many thanks to them for that.
Finally, the service and burial in Toronto. We made a slideshow to show at the funeral home this time. Oh seeing those pics made me miss her so much more. In HK, her mentor from her early teaching days gave the eulogy. In Toronto, it was given by us 3 siblings. While my sisters did most of the talking about her life, Grace found a poem that I got to read and also some last words of encouragement to my parents. We have to remember them too: to continue to live our lives to the fullest as Leslie had so that no time would be wasted.
Anyways, that was long... but I needed to write this up... Thanks if you've actually read this far. I just want to make one more request. Leslie had been suffering from lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM for short) for the past year. It is a very rare disease (to the point that only thanks to Leslie did HK doctors even know it existed!) that impacts the lungs. You can go to the LAM Canada website for more exact info. But please make a donation in honour of Leslie Chui. It will mean a lot to me.
Leslie, we love you... and we'll miss you terribly. But at least now you're at rest and in a better place. Wait for us, we'll all see you soon...
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
No Subject (yet)
She wasn't supposed to go...
Everything was supposed to be ok... just had to wait until next summer.
Why...?
Everything was supposed to be ok... just had to wait until next summer.
Why...?
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Punctured and Patched
Thank you to whoever left this on the road...
Left a nice puncture in my driver's side front tire, forcing my dad and I to patch it up... now the tire is no longer new and I have to be careful with it. I hope the patch holds up... I drove a tire like that on my Cavalier for a few months w/o a problem, but I have to drive on this tire for at least another 4-5 years before it wears out enough for me to replace! Just my f'ing luck... I really pray nothing happens... but then, I wasn't planning on taking the car Auto-Crossing or doing any motorsports anyways... I don't have the skills =P.
Still... the risk of the tire blowing out on the highway... I really hope not.
Left a nice puncture in my driver's side front tire, forcing my dad and I to patch it up... now the tire is no longer new and I have to be careful with it. I hope the patch holds up... I drove a tire like that on my Cavalier for a few months w/o a problem, but I have to drive on this tire for at least another 4-5 years before it wears out enough for me to replace! Just my f'ing luck... I really pray nothing happens... but then, I wasn't planning on taking the car Auto-Crossing or doing any motorsports anyways... I don't have the skills =P.
Still... the risk of the tire blowing out on the highway... I really hope not.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
Words
"It is easy to go from bad to good, but it will cost you everything to go from good to better."
..........
..........
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
ECCCLC 2006
I was only there for a few hours, but just seeing how it was this year brought feelings of pride and joy. So many people... and so many that were so young... once again, perhaps there is hope for us yet.
Knowing what this camp had brought to me when I first went 10 years ago, and then seeing and hearing how others were just as touched and inspired as I was, it makes me feel happier beyond words.
But yet, a tinge of sadness still lives in me. The years have been hard on me, and I feel that I have started to lose some of what I had gained. I feel tired, wounded, and almost hopeless. That night I was there, I realized that I could only ask for one thing...
Father, take me home.
Knowing what this camp had brought to me when I first went 10 years ago, and then seeing and hearing how others were just as touched and inspired as I was, it makes me feel happier beyond words.
But yet, a tinge of sadness still lives in me. The years have been hard on me, and I feel that I have started to lose some of what I had gained. I feel tired, wounded, and almost hopeless. That night I was there, I realized that I could only ask for one thing...
Father, take me home.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood Of War
Seeing how I'm such a hobby military historian and my love for Saving Private Ryan and Band of Brothers, I couldn't believe I waited this long to finally watch this movie. Tae Guk Gi obviously is about the Korean War. Great movie. I'd be shedding tears right now if it wasn't for the fact that I'm at work and really shouldn't. But yeah, so good. Very touching... and once again, it feeds my train of thought right now. So I'll write it out for you, my beloved readers. Har har har.
Looking at the awesome production quality of this movie, I'm thinking about how that we're reaching the time when not many war veterans from WWII are left, (and heck, I'd be surprised to see any WWI vets still alive...) and movies have been made about the war from the American, Canadian, and now Korean side. I think you can see where I'm going... yup. I'm thinking about, what about the Chinese army in WWII? Or even during the Civil War in 1949. Watching this movie made me think about 1949... because it was generally the same, Communist vs. Non-Communist. I doubt that any chinese director would be able to make a movie as big as Private Ryan or Tae Guk Gi to tell the story about 1949. It'll end up being biased towards the Communists if done by Mainland China and I bet the Taiwanese wouldn't touch this w/ a 100-foot pole b/c they lost. Too shameful/personal for them I think... I wonder if someone will prove me wrong.
It's too bad because the veterans that fought those wars won't be around for much longer. To be able to put to film their experiences for those of us that weren't there to see and feel it, I think that it would allow these vets to share their untold stories. In fact, I wonder how many history books were written about our wars. Probably a lot, but they must be in Chinese and thus out of my reach. Gotta find some english ones. I want to know more about those times. Watching Tae Guk Gi makes me feel once again, that I was born in the wrong time... War is hell, but I keep thinking I'd be more at home in that hell than the hell I feel I'm in now... sigh...
Yup. I Am Crazy.
Didn't you know that already?
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Through The Looking Glass...
It's amazing how things come back to bite you in the ass after all these years... In this case, it's really more like... I kind of got to see a very close proximity of what I had done 2 years ago... VERY close. It was as if God just gave me a mirror and forced me to look into it. From that, I started to understand the pain I created that day. I find it interesting that it would happen this way.
I'll take it as a refreshing look at the whole situation. I realize a million sorry's will never come close to take such pain away. While witnessing this almost-same situation unfold on my friend, I bet she feels and said to me almost the same things that I would expect my ex to have said in her place. Definitely eye-opening.
Peering Through The Looking Glass...
I'll take it as a refreshing look at the whole situation. I realize a million sorry's will never come close to take such pain away. While witnessing this almost-same situation unfold on my friend, I bet she feels and said to me almost the same things that I would expect my ex to have said in her place. Definitely eye-opening.
Peering Through The Looking Glass...
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Sam & Max: Freelance Police !!!
I'm not sure if any of you even remember this old Lucasarts gem, but hearing about it and finally getting to play it on my resurrected 486 2 years ago, all I can say is... FUNNAY!!!
I didn't even realize there was a tv cartoon series. ZOMG!! Here's a sample all courtesy of YouTube. I think this one will be funny enough to show you what kind of show this is. =P
Enjoy! For more episodes, go here:
http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=fr34kystyley
Edit: Found a better sample. You Canadians should get the joke at 08:15. Hee hee hee!
I didn't even realize there was a tv cartoon series. ZOMG!! Here's a sample all courtesy of YouTube. I think this one will be funny enough to show you what kind of show this is. =P
Enjoy! For more episodes, go here:
http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=fr34kystyley
Edit: Found a better sample. You Canadians should get the joke at 08:15. Hee hee hee!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
The operation is over
Well, things didn't go as well as I would have liked, but things did go at least.
I made the attempt. It didn't go well. There was damage done.
Now I just have to deal with the aftermath. But it's over with now. I'll be ok. I just need time and rest.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Keep Tryin'
Haha sorry Betty that I'd have to steal this from you =P
Well, it matches the theme I'm on lately so... plus it's cheery =)
Gotta stay positive!
Hmm... that's my 3rd YouTube post in a row. Dammit, need more things to talk about. Well, hopefully soooooon...
Thursday, August 10, 2006
春殘夢斷
Apparently I'm a sucker for sad songs... well, someone said this seems like a sad song... for me. =P
人遠夢短 indeed...
人遠夢短 indeed...
Friday, August 04, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Just another day/night at the office...
Haven't written in awhile... mostly because I haven't had much to say... well, ok. I got my new car. Yep, it's fantastic. Yep, I'm obsessing over it a bit too much (going crazy if it gets dirty, bird poop, etc). Yep, the drive is awesome. That's all I have to say about it really...
I'm a little sad right now... a bit nervous... but above all, looking forward to the weekend. Long weekend, I don't have anything planned really... however, I am going to do something that I think I should have done a long time ago. It's one of those things that, you know, shouldn't require much 'thought' to do, but being me, I have a tendency of over-analysing and just end up being paralysed from doing anything at all. This is just one of the many times. At least I'm back on track. I bought a phone card. That's the first step. Next step... is to pick up that phone, and make that call. No more dawdling. I think this time is really the time.
Sigh... I hope it works.
I'm a little sad right now... a bit nervous... but above all, looking forward to the weekend. Long weekend, I don't have anything planned really... however, I am going to do something that I think I should have done a long time ago. It's one of those things that, you know, shouldn't require much 'thought' to do, but being me, I have a tendency of over-analysing and just end up being paralysed from doing anything at all. This is just one of the many times. At least I'm back on track. I bought a phone card. That's the first step. Next step... is to pick up that phone, and make that call. No more dawdling. I think this time is really the time.
Sigh... I hope it works.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Plus/Minus
I'm sure everyone has heard a variation of the saying, "I always hope for the best, but experience has taught me to expect the worst."
I heard an interesting variation this morning.
"Prepare for the worst, but expect the best."
Keyword I think is "Prepare." What do you think?
Perhaps my optimistic/positive side is still alive after all...
I heard an interesting variation this morning.
"Prepare for the worst, but expect the best."
Keyword I think is "Prepare." What do you think?
Perhaps my optimistic/positive side is still alive after all...
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Your Eyes Open
I don't know why, but I can't seem to stop listening or stop SINGING this song... Hmm... what am I feeling lately? *shrug*
---------------------------
Your Eyes Open
By: Keane
Well it's a lonely road that you have chosen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a long time since your heart was frozen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know
That it's a lonely place that you have run to
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a lonely end that you will come to
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know
---------------------------
Your Eyes Open
By: Keane
Well it's a lonely road that you have chosen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a long time since your heart was frozen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know
That it's a lonely place that you have run to
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a lonely end that you will come to
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Sci-Fi... you will become my undoing =P
Syriana just came out on DVD. Naturally after giving it my two thumbs up after watching it in the theatre, I had to buy it. So I did. But of course, I needed to buy something else to reach the minimum $39 for free shipping with Amazon... so I finally got around to buying a book I really wanted to read. Unfortunately, it isn't exactly the most... intelligent or meaningful book in the world...
Yes... I've gone around and bought another Star Trek book...
Deep Space Nine is still my favourite of all the Star Trek series. The reason being was that... well, it was well written by the later seasons, and quite frankly, it was... different. Some might say it deviated from the original Star Trek vision, but if it did, it was done very well. They had interesting characters and not everything or everyone was as happy-go-lucky as we were used to. It was more... dark... and dealing with some dark realities that the original Star Trek would make you think no longer existed. I like that.
I would say the books continuing the DS9 story deviated from the original vision even more so than the TV series... Basically the authors just took the DS9 universe and its characters, and played with it. They created a new vision of where they wanted to take the storyline. They created new adventures that easily wet my appetite for mind-numbing action and yet still appeal to my thinking side with some interesting lessons and storyline twists. I had the audacity of opening this book at 11pm and ended up reading it completely by 4:30am... Now I'm stuck wide awake at 5am writing this blog... ugh... doesn't help that I just came from night shift and have to work day shift soon. Oops.
This specific book is more about action and setting up a much larger adventure in the next book. Thus it didn't have any thinking stuff or any live lessons/insights I've come to love from the other books. But the larger adventure it has set the foundation for sounds VERY exciting to me. Anyone remember the tv show Sliders? The show about alternate parallel universes? That show always intrigued me. Unfortunately I stopped following it after awhile. Star Trek had a similar idea in the Original Series when they encountered their own parallel universe where humanity was evil and ran some cruel galatic empire. DS9 took that old idea and updated it with what might have happened in the same timeframe. Now this book is taking that idea even further.
You're probably bored with what I've written, but if you've come this far, I'll skip to the point of this... pointless blog =P. The idea of parallel universes interests me. The infinite concept of infinite universes is mind-boggling. Imagine the past 5 seconds, a new universe is formed by the different possible choices we could have made in that short time, whether its what we were thinking, how we moved our hands, what we typed, what we saw, every little movement of our body we chose could have created a new universe! Then multiply that with the choices of every human being in this world! Multiply it again with the WHOLE of human history!! It's sooo out of our grasp! Thinking about these things always makes me smile... (yes, I'm THAT crazy.)
A book I bought when I was on the way back from HK in 2003 was a military What If book. Like, what if certain things didn't pan out the way they did in certain wars. What would have happened instead? What if Germany won WW2? What if the American revolution failed? Things like that. It's the same idea basically. It was interesting to read what historians think could have happened in those cases. It makes me respect time, fate, circumstance, and decision making even more so. One simple choice could have huge consequences.
... of course, that lesson I decided to learn painfully in 2004...
Ok... maybe I shouldn't read these books so much... escapist books are baaaad mmkay? Now, if only I could get to sleep! Grrr...
Yes... I've gone around and bought another Star Trek book...
Deep Space Nine is still my favourite of all the Star Trek series. The reason being was that... well, it was well written by the later seasons, and quite frankly, it was... different. Some might say it deviated from the original Star Trek vision, but if it did, it was done very well. They had interesting characters and not everything or everyone was as happy-go-lucky as we were used to. It was more... dark... and dealing with some dark realities that the original Star Trek would make you think no longer existed. I like that.
I would say the books continuing the DS9 story deviated from the original vision even more so than the TV series... Basically the authors just took the DS9 universe and its characters, and played with it. They created a new vision of where they wanted to take the storyline. They created new adventures that easily wet my appetite for mind-numbing action and yet still appeal to my thinking side with some interesting lessons and storyline twists. I had the audacity of opening this book at 11pm and ended up reading it completely by 4:30am... Now I'm stuck wide awake at 5am writing this blog... ugh... doesn't help that I just came from night shift and have to work day shift soon. Oops.
This specific book is more about action and setting up a much larger adventure in the next book. Thus it didn't have any thinking stuff or any live lessons/insights I've come to love from the other books. But the larger adventure it has set the foundation for sounds VERY exciting to me. Anyone remember the tv show Sliders? The show about alternate parallel universes? That show always intrigued me. Unfortunately I stopped following it after awhile. Star Trek had a similar idea in the Original Series when they encountered their own parallel universe where humanity was evil and ran some cruel galatic empire. DS9 took that old idea and updated it with what might have happened in the same timeframe. Now this book is taking that idea even further.
You're probably bored with what I've written, but if you've come this far, I'll skip to the point of this... pointless blog =P. The idea of parallel universes interests me. The infinite concept of infinite universes is mind-boggling. Imagine the past 5 seconds, a new universe is formed by the different possible choices we could have made in that short time, whether its what we were thinking, how we moved our hands, what we typed, what we saw, every little movement of our body we chose could have created a new universe! Then multiply that with the choices of every human being in this world! Multiply it again with the WHOLE of human history!! It's sooo out of our grasp! Thinking about these things always makes me smile... (yes, I'm THAT crazy.)
A book I bought when I was on the way back from HK in 2003 was a military What If book. Like, what if certain things didn't pan out the way they did in certain wars. What would have happened instead? What if Germany won WW2? What if the American revolution failed? Things like that. It's the same idea basically. It was interesting to read what historians think could have happened in those cases. It makes me respect time, fate, circumstance, and decision making even more so. One simple choice could have huge consequences.
... of course, that lesson I decided to learn painfully in 2004...
Ok... maybe I shouldn't read these books so much... escapist books are baaaad mmkay? Now, if only I could get to sleep! Grrr...
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Twenty Seven
Another year...
Things are going good so far.
Two good things are coming up in a month's time.
One more thing to take care of by year end.
Life couldn't be better... ish...
Twenty Five...
Things are going good so far.
Two good things are coming up in a month's time.
One more thing to take care of by year end.
Life couldn't be better... ish...
Twenty Five...
Monday, June 05, 2006
Responsibilities and the Sine graph
"... the fault, dear Tain, was not in our stars but in ourselves..."
------------------------------------------
Although I try to put it behind me, it always ends up coming back.
And if I try to push it away even harder, it will always come back even stronger.
I think I'll eventually revisit it again despite always encountering a null in between, so I will revisit it. What else can I do if no progress is being made?
------------------------------------------
Speaking of progress though... a lot of things happening on the job front. Opportunities have sprung, a slight error on my part might have repurcussions, but apparently a lot of things are happening behind the scenes that I wasn't even aware of until now. Crossing my fingers...
Dear Lord... if this works out, I know what will happen next. I SWEAR IT.
------------------------------------------
Although I try to put it behind me, it always ends up coming back.
And if I try to push it away even harder, it will always come back even stronger.
I think I'll eventually revisit it again despite always encountering a null in between, so I will revisit it. What else can I do if no progress is being made?
------------------------------------------
Speaking of progress though... a lot of things happening on the job front. Opportunities have sprung, a slight error on my part might have repurcussions, but apparently a lot of things are happening behind the scenes that I wasn't even aware of until now. Crossing my fingers...
Dear Lord... if this works out, I know what will happen next. I SWEAR IT.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Bye bye car... it's been good
Well, after 4 years, 3 bumps, 2 self-inflicted bouts of dumb-ness, and 3 student drivers, it was time to give the car back. Sure, it didn't have much power, it wasn't a head-turner, and the interior was cheap, but it got me from Point A to Point B and back without complaint. No wonder GM kept this thing in production for so long. It's actually a pretty tough car, and had a transmission that was easy to learn off from. I think I'll actually miss this car somewhat... at least until the replacement arrives... muhahahaha.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Shoot... anyone know how the TTC works? =P
Well, in my quest for the new car, I'm going to end up car-less for about 2 months or so starting May 25... drat...
I guess I better learn how to get to the office by bus... get my family to drive me... or rent... or buy a beater... eep...
Crap crappitty crap crap crap
I guess I better learn how to get to the office by bus... get my family to drive me... or rent... or buy a beater... eep...
Crap crappitty crap crap crap
Monday, May 01, 2006
Did I say 60 hours? I meant 60 YEARS!
It didn't feel right. I may be afraid, but it's because I am afraid of doing more damage than it is worth. I don't care. I don't want to make things worse than they are. I have to put it down... for now.
"I have to go.
I hate to let you down.
But I can't stop now.
I got troubles of my own
Cuz I'm short on time
I'm lonely and I'm too tired to talk"
The right time will come. I must believe in Him again. It's the only way.
"Let the universe unfold, as it should."
"I have to go.
I hate to let you down.
But I can't stop now.
I got troubles of my own
Cuz I'm short on time
I'm lonely and I'm too tired to talk"
The right time will come. I must believe in Him again. It's the only way.
"Let the universe unfold, as it should."
Sunday, April 30, 2006
It has begun
I have less than 60 hours to figure out WTH I'm doing. I mean... why do I keep making things hard for myself?
All I can do is watch the clock tick away...
Lord have mercy on my soul...
All I can do is watch the clock tick away...
Lord have mercy on my soul...
Friday, April 28, 2006
This province needs better drivers
I had the fortunate luck of being the victim of a hit and run in the parking lot beside No Frills at Silver Star tonight. Some moron couldn't park their SUV and smacked my front left fender and bumper. WORSE PART is that I didn't even NOTICE until I GOT HOME because I got into my car coming from the back. I didn't see it AT ALL. Only noticed when turning towards home I heard a slight noise and when I got out my headlight had fallen out... dammit.
Words cannot express how pissed I am... however, as one reader might recall, this could be karma paying me back for an incident I did back in Hamilton... so... I guess I've paid my dues now for that one.
At least I left a note for that one, even if it was 24 hours later...
Sigh... another reason why I think this province... hell, this WHOLE continent needs to revamp their drivers training. Too many bad drivers on the roads nowadays. *GRRRRR*
Not-so-stealthy-edit: On the bright side, it didn't happen to the GTI. Yup. You got it wusshie ;)
Words cannot express how pissed I am... however, as one reader might recall, this could be karma paying me back for an incident I did back in Hamilton... so... I guess I've paid my dues now for that one.
At least I left a note for that one, even if it was 24 hours later...
Sigh... another reason why I think this province... hell, this WHOLE continent needs to revamp their drivers training. Too many bad drivers on the roads nowadays. *GRRRRR*
Not-so-stealthy-edit: On the bright side, it didn't happen to the GTI. Yup. You got it wusshie ;)
Sunday, April 23, 2006
No. Jump. Tonight.
While I hate to backtrack when I get that feeling of absolute certainty of wanting to do something, sometimes it's better to have talked it over with some people before giving the final go. Unfortunately, today will not be that day. Many heartfelt thanks to those I talked to. Perhaps I should have done more before.
----------------------------
June 4, 1940 has long gone.
August 19, 1942 was tough, but worth it.
It is now the night of June 4-5, 1944...
----------------------------
June 4, 1940 has long gone.
August 19, 1942 was tough, but worth it.
It is now the night of June 4-5, 1944...
Monday, April 17, 2006
States of existence
Time for another rant post, but a short and simple one.
What the hell am I doing? And why? Why now? Why is it always bad timing? *whine whine*... ooh cheese! @&*)@$^*!!
Stay tuned. =P
What the hell am I doing? And why? Why now? Why is it always bad timing? *whine whine*... ooh cheese! @&*)@$^*!!
Stay tuned. =P
Friday, April 14, 2006
The Friday of Fridays
Time for a semi-religious post. It's Good Friday today. Don't be surprised. But don't expect anything thought provoking either.
It's 10:35pm right now. Stuck in the office for another night shift. Outside, a thick fog looms over the city. It's virtually pitch black dark looking out my window. Only a few lights that are close by can even be seen.
It's interesting... I feel it's like a blanket covering the city... in a way that this blanket is the blanket one would use to cover up the dead. Well, you should know what's being celebrated today. Jesus' death. 'Nuff said.
So for tonight, my MSN reads: Like a blanket, this fog covers His death.
It may seem like nonsense to you, but I like the artistic value it presents at the least.
It's 10:35pm right now. Stuck in the office for another night shift. Outside, a thick fog looms over the city. It's virtually pitch black dark looking out my window. Only a few lights that are close by can even be seen.
It's interesting... I feel it's like a blanket covering the city... in a way that this blanket is the blanket one would use to cover up the dead. Well, you should know what's being celebrated today. Jesus' death. 'Nuff said.
So for tonight, my MSN reads: Like a blanket, this fog covers His death.
It may seem like nonsense to you, but I like the artistic value it presents at the least.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Resigning to fate
"Whether we die in the near future, or years later from senility matters not in the great scheme of things. Yet the manner of our dying could have far reaching effects. I have a young son I may never see again, yet I shall be content if I feel that his freedom is assured."
-Col. John Riley "Killer" Kane, 98th BG, 9th Air Force
-----------------
I've made plenty of bad decisions already in my life... one more potentially grave mistake will not make a difference anymore now.
We. Go.
------------------
"Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred."
-Col. John Riley "Killer" Kane, 98th BG, 9th Air Force
-----------------
I've made plenty of bad decisions already in my life... one more potentially grave mistake will not make a difference anymore now.
We. Go.
------------------
"Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred."
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Teh Furst of Aperul...
Alright, another boring day at work (because I'm just feeling like a sloth and don't want to do anything productive... which is bad, especially when I'm getting SICK of this and want to move on, I need to BE PRODUCTIVE!!!! *RAWR*).
So, what's happening in the world on this wonderful April Fool's day? Well, check it out. Although most of you probably have no idea what half these sites are about...
Wikipedia's list of 2006 April Fool's pranks (I'm sure for 99% of it you're all like... wha?)
ArsTechnica does a review of Duke Nukem Forever (Only gamers would even know...)
Google Romance (No, I'm not going to sign up you bums!)
Slashdot (OMG!!! Ponies!!!) (Note: For those of you that missed this, it's a website for geek stuff. They made it pink and put those words in it. Also, every article became a fake...)
Cute Overload (It can explain the above)
1up Mushroom (THIS ROCKS!! Lots of other funny stuff at Thinkgeek. They sell geeky stuff.)
China Buys Google (OH NOES!!)
The Cure for Information Overload (It's really good! Really...)
Ok... everything is obviously either IT-related or just geek-related. I have to admit, most of it was pretty lame... I guess ppl are just running out of good pranks.
Anyways, I know... I'm such a loser. Screw you all. =P
So, what's happening in the world on this wonderful April Fool's day? Well, check it out. Although most of you probably have no idea what half these sites are about...
Wikipedia's list of 2006 April Fool's pranks (I'm sure for 99% of it you're all like... wha?)
ArsTechnica does a review of Duke Nukem Forever (Only gamers would even know...)
Google Romance (No, I'm not going to sign up you bums!)
Slashdot (OMG!!! Ponies!!!) (Note: For those of you that missed this, it's a website for geek stuff. They made it pink and put those words in it. Also, every article became a fake...)
Cute Overload (It can explain the above)
1up Mushroom (THIS ROCKS!! Lots of other funny stuff at Thinkgeek. They sell geeky stuff.)
China Buys Google (OH NOES!!)
The Cure for Information Overload (It's really good! Really...)
Ok... everything is obviously either IT-related or just geek-related. I have to admit, most of it was pretty lame... I guess ppl are just running out of good pranks.
Anyways, I know... I'm such a loser. Screw you all. =P
Monday, March 27, 2006
Shake The Disease
Shake The Disease
By: Depeche Mode
I'm not going down on my knees begging you to adore me
Can't you see it's misery and torture for me
When I'm misunderstood
Try as hard as you can
I tried as hard as I could
To make you see
How important it is for me
*Here is a plea
From my heart to you
Nobody knows me as well as you do
You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue in situations like these
Understand me
Understand me
Understand me
Understand me
Some people have to be permanently together
Lovers devoted to each other forever
Now I got things to do
And I said before that I know you have too
When I'm not there
In spirit I'll be there
* * repeat
By: Depeche Mode
I'm not going down on my knees begging you to adore me
Can't you see it's misery and torture for me
When I'm misunderstood
Try as hard as you can
I tried as hard as I could
To make you see
How important it is for me
*Here is a plea
From my heart to you
Nobody knows me as well as you do
You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue in situations like these
Understand me
Understand me
Understand me
Understand me
Some people have to be permanently together
Lovers devoted to each other forever
Now I got things to do
And I said before that I know you have too
When I'm not there
In spirit I'll be there
* * repeat
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Heh... what a future...
I may have been panicking like mad thinking about how much $ I have to spend on things like a car and the inevitable move-out, but it's the price we have to pay for the livelyhood that we have chosen. I can't really back out now...
Anyways, just went to look at model homes w/ my friend who had just bought one recently and is starting to choose their interior designs and colours. Man, what a way to use up a whole afternoon. This is just the initial "going in to check things out first" kinda deal. Saw some model homes too. There's actually quite a lot of things to consider when choosing these things. Everything has to go together in a way, but yet you can't tell until you actually go to a model home to look around at the combinations they have. It was a pretty neat and informative experience.
Oh joy... I'm going to have SO much fun... well... not for another 5-10 years at least...
*looks at his empty wallet*
Anyways, just went to look at model homes w/ my friend who had just bought one recently and is starting to choose their interior designs and colours. Man, what a way to use up a whole afternoon. This is just the initial "going in to check things out first" kinda deal. Saw some model homes too. There's actually quite a lot of things to consider when choosing these things. Everything has to go together in a way, but yet you can't tell until you actually go to a model home to look around at the combinations they have. It was a pretty neat and informative experience.
Oh joy... I'm going to have SO much fun... well... not for another 5-10 years at least...
*looks at his empty wallet*
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Treachery, Faith, and The Great River
Title from a good DS9 episode...
I had originally thought of not going back. I thought that I no longer felt the need to go... that I wasn't important. What were my reasons to go? Treachery...
Tonight made me realise that perhaps I've renewed my reason to go. Perhaps I had thought of the wrong reasons why I didn't want to go. Why I didn't want to go didn't matter. What I choose to now go for is important. Faith...
There are always questions. Some of which we might find difficult to approach. We might not want to face them. We might not have answers. The answers might not even be the right ones. However, we cannot escape reality. We cannot sweep it under the carpet. Things may look bad/unfair/crazy in our eyes, but we cannot even come close to understanding it all. It's just a mystery. In the end though, all will be answered. Some may call it hindsight, but I choose to call it something else.
"The river will provide."
I had originally thought of not going back. I thought that I no longer felt the need to go... that I wasn't important. What were my reasons to go? Treachery...
Tonight made me realise that perhaps I've renewed my reason to go. Perhaps I had thought of the wrong reasons why I didn't want to go. Why I didn't want to go didn't matter. What I choose to now go for is important. Faith...
There are always questions. Some of which we might find difficult to approach. We might not want to face them. We might not have answers. The answers might not even be the right ones. However, we cannot escape reality. We cannot sweep it under the carpet. Things may look bad/unfair/crazy in our eyes, but we cannot even come close to understanding it all. It's just a mystery. In the end though, all will be answered. Some may call it hindsight, but I choose to call it something else.
"The river will provide."
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Past + Future = Present
"What you were... and what you are to become... will always be with you."
----------------------
ST:TNG, last episode. It's all about identity. That's all I'll say.
----------------------
ST:TNG, last episode. It's all about identity. That's all I'll say.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
33
Yes, we're tired.
Yes, there's no relief.
Yes, they keep coming after us time after time after time.
And YES WE ARE STILL EXPECTED TO DO OUR JOBS.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Post-Comment Edit:
Ok, rather than leave my dear lovely readers confused and scratching their heads, here's the explanation.
The quote comes from the new Battlestar Galactica series. The basic premise is that robots that some humans from another galaxy created a long time ago rebelled and a long war was fought. The robots lost, and they receeded for 40 years. Then they came back and nuked all the human's homeworlds. Now, only a small fleet of ships carrying almost 50,000 survivors is all that is left. The episode this quote is from is called "33" because the robots kept attacking the fleet every 33 minutes. The fleet would get away, but 33 minutes later, the robots found them again. It lasted 5 straight days until it was discovered that one of the ships was being tracked. The humans found out after the ship went missing for an hour and then showed up but with all the passengers gone and a nuclear bomb in it. They had to blow it up. Finally the humans got away. And now the show is just about the humans trying to find Earth because to them, Earth is a myth/legend.
Confusing? =P
Anyways, I wrote that quote because sometimes working night shifts and realising that your exhaustion caused you to screw up feels exactly like that. Yeah...
Yes, there's no relief.
Yes, they keep coming after us time after time after time.
And YES WE ARE STILL EXPECTED TO DO OUR JOBS.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Post-Comment Edit:
Ok, rather than leave my dear lovely readers confused and scratching their heads, here's the explanation.
The quote comes from the new Battlestar Galactica series. The basic premise is that robots that some humans from another galaxy created a long time ago rebelled and a long war was fought. The robots lost, and they receeded for 40 years. Then they came back and nuked all the human's homeworlds. Now, only a small fleet of ships carrying almost 50,000 survivors is all that is left. The episode this quote is from is called "33" because the robots kept attacking the fleet every 33 minutes. The fleet would get away, but 33 minutes later, the robots found them again. It lasted 5 straight days until it was discovered that one of the ships was being tracked. The humans found out after the ship went missing for an hour and then showed up but with all the passengers gone and a nuclear bomb in it. They had to blow it up. Finally the humans got away. And now the show is just about the humans trying to find Earth because to them, Earth is a myth/legend.
Confusing? =P
Anyways, I wrote that quote because sometimes working night shifts and realising that your exhaustion caused you to screw up feels exactly like that. Yeah...
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Currently Listening To: Aphex Twin - Avril 14th
I cannot stop listening to this simple, short piano piece composed and performed by one of the most freakiest electronica/techno artists out there... Aphex Twin. Some of his stuff is pretty whacked... yet as I have mentioned this song before, it's odd that he could create such a lovely piano piece.... In a way, it almost reflects at my odd music tastes... eurotrash/techno on one hand, classical/jazz/piano on the other... w/ a lot of other stuff mixed in somewhere in between... which I probably mentioned before... time and again...
Anyways, probably will need the more relaxing stuff tonight. Had a great weekend only to have it over-shadowed by screw-ups at work. I'm losing my edge. Doesn't help that I'm put in a semi-leadership position... I keep wondering if I'm cut out for this at all... I always feel that I'm just a worker... someone who will do what he is told, without question most of the time. Maybe I don't have the broader point of view that is needed for something like this. Or am I just psychologically limiting myself for no reason? Don't know. I still haven't finished reading 7 Habits yet... I probably should. Fuck, I have too many books to read... too little time. Maybe I should just go out and sit in a library or somewhere and READ on my days off. Shouldn't stay home, otherwise, I'll glue myself to the computer accomplishing nothing.
More disturbing dreams are haunting me... it's almost unescapable... I really think I need to do something soon.... but what would be the best plan of action? Return to the basics where it began? Or do I have to go there?... or should I not even think about it at all...? How can I though when even my own dreams betray me... This is becoming nonsense...
Times like these make me wonder if I should even still be here...
Anyways, probably will need the more relaxing stuff tonight. Had a great weekend only to have it over-shadowed by screw-ups at work. I'm losing my edge. Doesn't help that I'm put in a semi-leadership position... I keep wondering if I'm cut out for this at all... I always feel that I'm just a worker... someone who will do what he is told, without question most of the time. Maybe I don't have the broader point of view that is needed for something like this. Or am I just psychologically limiting myself for no reason? Don't know. I still haven't finished reading 7 Habits yet... I probably should. Fuck, I have too many books to read... too little time. Maybe I should just go out and sit in a library or somewhere and READ on my days off. Shouldn't stay home, otherwise, I'll glue myself to the computer accomplishing nothing.
More disturbing dreams are haunting me... it's almost unescapable... I really think I need to do something soon.... but what would be the best plan of action? Return to the basics where it began? Or do I have to go there?... or should I not even think about it at all...? How can I though when even my own dreams betray me... This is becoming nonsense...
Times like these make me wonder if I should even still be here...
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Brace yourselves for an unbelievable revelation!
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=9935030990046738815
Joe Normal
47 % Nerd, 39% Geek, 30% Dork
For The Record:
A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored less than half in all three, earning you the title of: Joe Normal.
This is not to say that you don't have some Nerd, Geek or Dork inside of you--we all do, and you can see the percentages you have right above. This is just to say that none of those qualities stand out so much as to define you. Sure, you enjoy an episode of Star Trek now and again, and yeah, you kinda enjoyed a few classes back in the day. And, once in a while, you stumble while walking down the street even though there was nothing there to cause you to trip. But, for the most part, you look and act fairly typically, and aren't much of an outcast.
I'd say there's a fair chance someone asked you to take this test. In any event, fairly normal.
Congratulations!
------------------------------------
What a shocker... I'm actually NORMAL??? *gasp!* The world has gone mad! =P
Joe Normal
47 % Nerd, 39% Geek, 30% Dork
For The Record:
A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored less than half in all three, earning you the title of: Joe Normal.
This is not to say that you don't have some Nerd, Geek or Dork inside of you--we all do, and you can see the percentages you have right above. This is just to say that none of those qualities stand out so much as to define you. Sure, you enjoy an episode of Star Trek now and again, and yeah, you kinda enjoyed a few classes back in the day. And, once in a while, you stumble while walking down the street even though there was nothing there to cause you to trip. But, for the most part, you look and act fairly typically, and aren't much of an outcast.
I'd say there's a fair chance someone asked you to take this test. In any event, fairly normal.
Congratulations!
------------------------------------
What a shocker... I'm actually NORMAL??? *gasp!* The world has gone mad! =P
Monday, February 13, 2006
ORiON's Refuge: Why do white guys always get our asian girls?
ORiON's Refuge: Why do white guys always get our asian girls?
BAHAHAHAHAHA
OMG, this is pretty hilarious. And at the same time, does have a true lesson to tell. Watch it if you don't mind cheesy student videos. Rofltastic ++!
Remember boys,
<Russell Peters> BE A MAN. DO DA WIGHT FING! </Russell Peters>
BAHAHAHAHAHA
OMG, this is pretty hilarious. And at the same time, does have a true lesson to tell. Watch it if you don't mind cheesy student videos. Rofltastic ++!
Remember boys,
<Russell Peters> BE A MAN. DO DA WIGHT FING! </Russell Peters>
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Cheerup song
Ok ok, I rather not let sad songs win, so here's one that if I understand the lyrics right, should make you all feel better!
(For those of you that can't read chinese just like I can't, I think it just means the world will change for the better. Of coz, my chinese-reading audience can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong =P)
(For those of you that can't read chinese just like I can't, I think it just means the world will change for the better. Of coz, my chinese-reading audience can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong =P)
世界會變得很美
曲：Ｈideki Ａndoh 詞：向雪懷
期待中我 煩悶枯燥 流浪街中的好一段日子
從未相信命運就是天意 只知道自我世界有苦惱
＊前面的世界誰人又知道 平坦的不一定是好
有些失意並未公報 想將我悶與痛 快向你傾訴
聽說外面浮華如樂土 走出這世界會有千個夢兒
痛恨從前為何無從目睹 聽說這世界再次變得很美
＃忘記了今天失戀寄望在明天
心中更自傲 憑我的感覺找到 朋友都踏著命運腳步
抗拒風雨 找到愛慕 在每一天我要不斷進步 你會某天叫好
Ｒepeat＊＃＃
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
teh s4d s0ng...
Well, since some persons are on the theme of songs (haha, I was bored today alright? =P), here's my contribution. Unfortunately, it will be on the sad side.
-----------------------------------------
We Might As Well Be Strangers
By: Keane
I don't know your face no more
Or feel the touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well
I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another time
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know
-----------------------------------------
Gee, I wonder why I picked this one? Duh...
*slaps himself in the forehead*
-----------------------------------------
We Might As Well Be Strangers
By: Keane
I don't know your face no more
Or feel the touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well
I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another time
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know
-----------------------------------------
Gee, I wonder why I picked this one? Duh...
*slaps himself in the forehead*
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Happy New Year!..... again... =P
Happy Happy New year! Well, Lunar New Year anyways. Yup, Year of the Dog this year. Umm... no idea what that means. I'm not that familiar with all those old Chinese traditions and stuff so... whatever!
Ugh... this was supposed to be a somewhat-happy post, but being back at work suddenly my energy just drained like nothing... perhaps it's because of the air of uncertainty that's around nowadays thanks to the merger with the parent company. A lot of unknowns and the possibility of getting laid off, etc etc... Probably the last thing I need to be thinking about, however, they do have a point. Regardless, that should really motivate me to try to make my move out of this job faster, right? Right??
I seem to be feeling more down more often than usual. Maybe it's just because that I've been sick for the past week. I just hope it's not a sign of things to come. Geez, I can be really boring when I'm not in a good mood... (actually, when am I NEVER boring? =P). Not a good thing if I want to go places and meet ppl. Yadda yadda yadda. I'm thinking about too many things again. "One step at a time... one step at a time..."
Overall, I'm just not feeling it except maybe when I'm at work and I always get the pep talk that I'm doing good, lots of good things are coming up, etc etc... It's only on those moments that I feel alright, like I've done alright... All other times, I don't know.
Read something I shouldn't be reading anyways, and the imagination is heading straight to la-la-land. Shouldn't take it more than face value, but of course, the big thing is, I SHOULD NOT BE reading it anyways, PERIOD. Ai... too hard.
There's gotta be a way... oh well, just hang on for another 5 months. That time, the first step of my many goals will arrive. Just one of many...
Ugh... this was supposed to be a somewhat-happy post, but being back at work suddenly my energy just drained like nothing... perhaps it's because of the air of uncertainty that's around nowadays thanks to the merger with the parent company. A lot of unknowns and the possibility of getting laid off, etc etc... Probably the last thing I need to be thinking about, however, they do have a point. Regardless, that should really motivate me to try to make my move out of this job faster, right? Right??
I seem to be feeling more down more often than usual. Maybe it's just because that I've been sick for the past week. I just hope it's not a sign of things to come. Geez, I can be really boring when I'm not in a good mood... (actually, when am I NEVER boring? =P). Not a good thing if I want to go places and meet ppl. Yadda yadda yadda. I'm thinking about too many things again. "One step at a time... one step at a time..."
Overall, I'm just not feeling it except maybe when I'm at work and I always get the pep talk that I'm doing good, lots of good things are coming up, etc etc... It's only on those moments that I feel alright, like I've done alright... All other times, I don't know.
Read something I shouldn't be reading anyways, and the imagination is heading straight to la-la-land. Shouldn't take it more than face value, but of course, the big thing is, I SHOULD NOT BE reading it anyways, PERIOD. Ai... too hard.
There's gotta be a way... oh well, just hang on for another 5 months. That time, the first step of my many goals will arrive. Just one of many...
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
"Corruption... is why we WIN"
I'm in the middle of writing a new year's blog, but I haven't finished (EDIT: It's finished now! See below!). So for now, I decided to write about the movie I watched last week: Syriana.
I don't know if you guys ever heard of this movie at all, but I saw an ad banner on it one day and it interested me. I watched the trailer and I was hooked. The Middle East, oil, big oil company, conspiracy, corruption, betrayal... ooh... sounds like fun! I also read a lot of people's feedback during the Christmas holiday, and it was all pretty positive. I had to watch it.
So I did. It's definitely one of those movies that I need to rewatch again later when it comes out on DVD. The plot itself wasn't confusing, but the vast amount of characters that are presented are a bit hard to keep track. You can go to the movie website here: Syriana to watch the trailer to get an idea of what it's about. While I hate to sound very negative and all, but this movie is like a reflection of my worldview-made-real. I love it.
The feeling I got when I left the movie was that most people would probably walk out feeling lost, confused, or just wondering, "what was the point to that?" Well, if you went to that movie expecting to see something shocking or action-packed/full of intrigue, then you'll probably be disappointed and/or confused.
Just to be safe, I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone but I'm just worried I might so don't read past this point if you don't want to be spoiled or ruin your movie-viewing experience.
What happens in this movie shouldn't surprise you in any way. If you're appalled by what you see, then you really need to get your head out of your ass and take a hard long look at the world around you. If you just simply shrugged and said, "So?", then you definitely fit right in with why the world is the way it is right now. I'm not saying this by being self-rightious and berate everyone for it though. Because in truth, I'm just as guilty. In fact, we're ALL guilty in some way directly or indirectly. If any of you ever watched "The Corporation" documentary, you should know what I mean. It's about companies, national interests, and the simple fact that there's a really high price to pay if we want to achieve an idealistic world.
We demand good stuff for cheap. We want to receive a good, HIGH salary. How do you think one achieves that? Why do you think everything is coming from places like China, India, and other countries where standards of living are low and people are paid relatively NOTHING in comparison to what we would get here? Because we demand it as consumers. We would expect nothing less and companies have to accomplish that one way or another. Shareholders demand the company turns a profit. Well, you can see where this is going.
Documentaries like The Corporation and movies like Syriana should really just make you pause and wonder if the life we've created should be changed... and if so, can it? Hate to be pessimistic, but it's hard to turn back 2-300 years of human civilization. It would take an outright catastrophe to change anything simply because people are too used to this. To implement such a HUGE change... it would take a complete re-education and new mindset... and I don't know if that would be possible. Of course, the important thing is, everything starts with within. It would take the whole world to choose to change for it to happen. Which is why I keep bringing up the word "catastrophe". I mean, how else do you convince billions of people to do the same thing willingly? =P
I don't know if you guys ever heard of this movie at all, but I saw an ad banner on it one day and it interested me. I watched the trailer and I was hooked. The Middle East, oil, big oil company, conspiracy, corruption, betrayal... ooh... sounds like fun! I also read a lot of people's feedback during the Christmas holiday, and it was all pretty positive. I had to watch it.
So I did. It's definitely one of those movies that I need to rewatch again later when it comes out on DVD. The plot itself wasn't confusing, but the vast amount of characters that are presented are a bit hard to keep track. You can go to the movie website here: Syriana to watch the trailer to get an idea of what it's about. While I hate to sound very negative and all, but this movie is like a reflection of my worldview-made-real. I love it.
The feeling I got when I left the movie was that most people would probably walk out feeling lost, confused, or just wondering, "what was the point to that?" Well, if you went to that movie expecting to see something shocking or action-packed/full of intrigue, then you'll probably be disappointed and/or confused.
Just to be safe, I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone but I'm just worried I might so don't read past this point if you don't want to be spoiled or ruin your movie-viewing experience.
What happens in this movie shouldn't surprise you in any way. If you're appalled by what you see, then you really need to get your head out of your ass and take a hard long look at the world around you. If you just simply shrugged and said, "So?", then you definitely fit right in with why the world is the way it is right now. I'm not saying this by being self-rightious and berate everyone for it though. Because in truth, I'm just as guilty. In fact, we're ALL guilty in some way directly or indirectly. If any of you ever watched "The Corporation" documentary, you should know what I mean. It's about companies, national interests, and the simple fact that there's a really high price to pay if we want to achieve an idealistic world.
We demand good stuff for cheap. We want to receive a good, HIGH salary. How do you think one achieves that? Why do you think everything is coming from places like China, India, and other countries where standards of living are low and people are paid relatively NOTHING in comparison to what we would get here? Because we demand it as consumers. We would expect nothing less and companies have to accomplish that one way or another. Shareholders demand the company turns a profit. Well, you can see where this is going.
Documentaries like The Corporation and movies like Syriana should really just make you pause and wonder if the life we've created should be changed... and if so, can it? Hate to be pessimistic, but it's hard to turn back 2-300 years of human civilization. It would take an outright catastrophe to change anything simply because people are too used to this. To implement such a HUGE change... it would take a complete re-education and new mindset... and I don't know if that would be possible. Of course, the important thing is, everything starts with within. It would take the whole world to choose to change for it to happen. Which is why I keep bringing up the word "catastrophe". I mean, how else do you convince billions of people to do the same thing willingly? =P
Thursday, January 05, 2006
2006. You know the drill...
It's a new year. It's pretty much assumed that most Western people that celebrate new year's would come up with resolutions or things they should do this year to change and what not. Sometimes, it works. Other times, it doesn't work that well. In any case, the effort is made. I choose to be one of those people this year to make that effort.
While I say this now, it's always a question of whether or not it will last. True, my record hasn't exactly been problem-free and I'll be honest to admit that I have enough times of just saying, "meh..." and letting things slip by to realise that I have a rather tall hill to climb. However, there are some things different this year that I hope could help push me along...
I've started reading a book called "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." I'm trying to do the personal change thingy so what better book to read than that? I find it very interesting and I'm wondering if stuff like this work. It does for some, but I have to wonder if I'll actually put it into use for it to work. I'm in a pretty deep rut that's hard to get out of. However, nothing is impossible. I just wonder if I'm just being impatient and hoping for things to change like NOW NOW versus letting it gradually happen. I still have time yet I also DON'T have time... if you get my drift. Err... maybe not.
The book really does hit some good points about changing the way one sees things. Something that should be pretty obvious but isn't that obvious for me is that I seem to worry and cuss about a lot of things that I don't have any direct control over. Things like world issues that are so far away that I really shouldn't think too much about. I mean, what can I do right? It's not like I have my "invincible army out there to do my bidding and take over the world MUHAHAHA" thing... =P. What the book says is that I should rather focus on the things that I DO have direct control over and deal with those. It's the whole "Circle of Influence" versus "Circle of Concern" kind of thing. I should work on the things I can influence, which in turn will work out towards things that are of my concern. To put it simply, change happens from within. Geez... you would think something as simple as that could've been understood by me a LOT earlier... alas... apparently lots of things like these are missed by a lot of people.
I definitely hope to start doing that from now on. Everything that is a lot more directly influenced by me, I should change. Change some habits, get into some routines, start seriously thinking about achieving some goals... and to start letting go of some things... or maybe... just that ONE thing I can't seem to be able to... ai... yeap... that again.
No matter. I think the important thing is that it always comes down to a matter of choice. Another thing the book brings up... how we CHOOSE to deal with what life gives us and how we choose to react to things. Choice... forget alcohol being the cause of and solution to all of life's problems =P. So, what choices do I have to make this year? I don't know yet. For one thing, get a new job, buy my car, start saving up to move out... or... hmm, let's not get into that.
It's going to be another TOUGH year. For one thing, I need to beef up my spiritual life too. I've been a bit lax there... and so, I end with the prayer that according to the book, is the prayer for AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). I'm far from an alcoholic, but the words of this prayer means a lot to me. I've already printed it out and I intend to read this everyday:
"Lord,
Give me the courage to change the things which can and ought to be changed, the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen."
Boy, I really need to keep in touch with Him more often... I'm getting jaded. =P
While I say this now, it's always a question of whether or not it will last. True, my record hasn't exactly been problem-free and I'll be honest to admit that I have enough times of just saying, "meh..." and letting things slip by to realise that I have a rather tall hill to climb. However, there are some things different this year that I hope could help push me along...
I've started reading a book called "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." I'm trying to do the personal change thingy so what better book to read than that? I find it very interesting and I'm wondering if stuff like this work. It does for some, but I have to wonder if I'll actually put it into use for it to work. I'm in a pretty deep rut that's hard to get out of. However, nothing is impossible. I just wonder if I'm just being impatient and hoping for things to change like NOW NOW versus letting it gradually happen. I still have time yet I also DON'T have time... if you get my drift. Err... maybe not.
The book really does hit some good points about changing the way one sees things. Something that should be pretty obvious but isn't that obvious for me is that I seem to worry and cuss about a lot of things that I don't have any direct control over. Things like world issues that are so far away that I really shouldn't think too much about. I mean, what can I do right? It's not like I have my "invincible army out there to do my bidding and take over the world MUHAHAHA" thing... =P. What the book says is that I should rather focus on the things that I DO have direct control over and deal with those. It's the whole "Circle of Influence" versus "Circle of Concern" kind of thing. I should work on the things I can influence, which in turn will work out towards things that are of my concern. To put it simply, change happens from within. Geez... you would think something as simple as that could've been understood by me a LOT earlier... alas... apparently lots of things like these are missed by a lot of people.
I definitely hope to start doing that from now on. Everything that is a lot more directly influenced by me, I should change. Change some habits, get into some routines, start seriously thinking about achieving some goals... and to start letting go of some things... or maybe... just that ONE thing I can't seem to be able to... ai... yeap... that again.
No matter. I think the important thing is that it always comes down to a matter of choice. Another thing the book brings up... how we CHOOSE to deal with what life gives us and how we choose to react to things. Choice... forget alcohol being the cause of and solution to all of life's problems =P. So, what choices do I have to make this year? I don't know yet. For one thing, get a new job, buy my car, start saving up to move out... or... hmm, let's not get into that.
It's going to be another TOUGH year. For one thing, I need to beef up my spiritual life too. I've been a bit lax there... and so, I end with the prayer that according to the book, is the prayer for AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). I'm far from an alcoholic, but the words of this prayer means a lot to me. I've already printed it out and I intend to read this everyday:
"Lord,
Give me the courage to change the things which can and ought to be changed, the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen."
Boy, I really need to keep in touch with Him more often... I'm getting jaded. =P
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