Alright folks! Time for another one of my whine-fests! Hope you brought lots of cheese. =P
Where can I even begin? I'm disappointed... just to start off. Actually, I suppose that's mostly because I had set myself lofty goals that I was unable to achieve within these 365 days. I really shouldn't have expected that I'd get over my breakup this quickly, although a YEAR has passed. But it's been difficult, especially when I had vested so many promises and hopes for the future in it. Eventually I'll get myself out, but for now, I'm still struggling to come to terms with what I have brought onto myself. I shouldn't have expected that I'd get into shape by now. Not only did I not stay consistent on my exercise, but I should remind myself that it would take many years before I achieve my goal... and even so, it'll take just as much work to maintain it.
On the bright side, my career is slowly taking shape... VERY slowly... I have an idea of where I want to go within IT in the next few years. I know what kind of skills I wish to develop and have developed by then. The question is, do I really want to be doing this for the rest of my life? Do I want to work here? Deep down, I feel I'm very unsatisfied about something. I'm not sure about what... and how to resolve it. Is it because I've been hard on myself all these years? Is it because I've asked myself to accomplish certain things only to have failed? Maybe I've looked at all of this the wrong way...
Should I even walk along this path of change? How do I know what parts of me should be improved and what parts I should actually refuse to change? Hopefully, I'll figure this out soon... because I cannot function if I cannot get beyond this disatisfaction with myself... If I cannot see my strengths and create confidence from it, I will just keep kicking myself and letting opportunities slip away because I did not believe in my abilities. I wonder how many times that has happened already.
To step into the future... to try again... to understand my faults, to accept them, and move on... to not rely on outside influences as much... to just be able to look in the mirror everyday and be pleased with what I see... it's going to be a long arduous road full of potholes, mines, roadside bombs... you name it. I just hope I don't stop at the first sign of difficulty. I really hope 2006 will shed some light in this tunnel of darkness that I have wandered into. I cannot let up! God granted me a miracle once already... I pray He will grant me another one... please...
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2 comments:
Happy New Years Ian! Don't worry, this year will be great. You've got the right thinking. Just keep at it! As Shakespeare says, the past is just a prolog to the present. We learn from it and move on. Get to know yourself - change what you can and do not like and accept what you cannot. I totally believe that loving yourself helps big time in loving others. And my memories of you during our Uni days are full of you laughing and making others feel good when they're near you. *hugz*
im sure 2006 will shed some light in ur dark tunnel.. happy new years =) forget about wat u cant change... and look beyond to see wat's laying ahead... happy for u that ur career is taking shape.. hey.. slowly but STEADILY is good news! stay focus... be satisfied.. be grateful.. be a happy ewwie! =)
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