In case you're thinking this is a suicide post, don't worry. That's one avenue I won't really be taking that easily. The only 'suicidal' death I will accept is if it is because I joined the military. Heh... even that sounds appealing now...
Well, just that I come to work today just to find out that our team has made a screwup again and will be getting chewed out for it despite the fact that it's not entirely our fault. However, this team has been everyone's scape goat for far too long. Worse off, my shift and the shift adjacent to it has only 2 people while the other 2 shifts enjoy having 3 people. That's rather unfair seeing that something like this could have been avoided if we had the extra person. Not exactly the best reason, but plus the fact that in a way, I've been working on a two person shift for more than a year now, it really irritates me.
I got an email today that's supposed to be of a speech by Steve Jobs back in June. It's one of those motivational ones that just tells you to get out there, find your dream, live it, and tell the world to fuck off basically. You know, days like this only serve to make me wonder if I have really just allowed myself to cower in fear and uncertainty to be able to do anything right. Have I really become that self-conscientious? I think so, but then, someone did say that I'm just being my own worst critic and just being hard on myself too much than I deserve. Something is wrong with me, that's for sure. I don't have the drive, the decisiveness, nor the time-management to get anything done. So, no kidding that I'm hard on myself... just that, nothing has changed...
This cancer crab needs to break out of his shell...
00:22 EDIT: Now that I've recomposed myself a bit, my mind suddenly wandered to this song:
"Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come, follow Me, and I will give you rest."
Ga Tung songs are good for the soul... I miss those years.
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2 comments:
ian, we are all like that, everyone of us are trying to strive to be a better self. do not get discourage if your laziness, undecisiveness get in the way. we're all like that. Just don't give up to try harder next time. As one of those hallmark saying says..."you're not a failure until you fail to try."
just wanna let u know, we'll always be here for u! and speaking of poor time management and lack of motivation, im rite in it with ya! its part of life's big challenge to keep ourselves motivated.. we all know u're perfectly capable if u just set ur mind and heart to it *believe*... screwups happen, and life doesnt seem to be all that fair sometimes, but u know it as well as i do, that watever is headed ur way, was planned, with u especially kept in His mind =) be a happy bum =P take care!
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