Nothing to win... Nothing to lose

There's really nothing left to say except...

It's over.

Done.

Finished.

I don't want to think about it anymore.

I don't want to deal with it anymore.

Really let go now.

I have better things to do.

It's not worth it.

"Back us off ensign, nice and slow..."

First post of 2008. Naturally, the theme is the same. Although to be stronger, I'd probably have to start talking about other things for once.

Maybe I've been going at this the wrong way. Why push for something that's not going to happen anytime soon anyways. I already got some answers that should have emphasized the 'patience' part of this whole deal. But of course, I'm always 'eager beaver'.

So it's best I took a breather. Can't be anxious about this. The situation is a lot more delicate than my male mindset is probably able to handle :P. I could inadvertently suffocate this whole thing before it breathes life. Take it easy...

I should thank a friend for giving me a reminder about this. There are only some things that only girls would know. She doesn't read this, but thanks regardless.

The title is a line from a Star Trek episode. Yeah I know... I'm such a nerd. No wonder I'm still clueless about things like this :P.

Two Kay Eight

And so, the year 2007 ends. It's been a pretty good year.

I started my new position that I truly enjoy.
I've learned some life lessons along the way (as usual).
Most importantly, I've truly closed the book on a dark chapter of my history of my own doing...

... and began to write a new one.

So, good-bye 2007. Hello 2008. I'm looking forward to meeting you and the future you will bring to me.

I've posted this on my Facebook but don't think I've posted it here before. I've liked this song since I found it on YouTube. The video is cool too. Don't worry about the lyrics this time. I know with most of my music posts there's always meaning behind the lyrics. This time, it's just b/c I like this song, although probably the only lines that would have any meaning at all are:

"The future is so clear
'Cause everything's right here
Inside of me
Inside of me"

Gouryella - Ligaya

Fallen Leaves to its Roots

Wuss, I have no idea if this translation is even close... but thanks for the song!

It's day 13...



Wang Lee Hom 王力宏 - 落葉歸根 Fallen Leaves to its Roots

舉頭望 無盡灰雲
那季節 叫做寂寞
背包 塞滿了家用
路就 這樣開始走
日不見 太陽的暖
夜不見 月光的藍
不得不 選擇 寒冷的開始
留下 只擁有 遺憾

命運 的 安排
遵守 自然 的邏輯
誰都 無法 揭謎底

喔... 遠離家鄉 不甚唏噓 幻化成秋夜
而我卻像 落葉歸根 墜在你心間
幾分憂鬱 幾分孤單 都心甘情願
我的愛像 落葉歸根
家... 唯獨在你身邊

但願陪你找回
所遺失的永恆
當我開口你卻沈默
只剩一場夢

而我卻像 落葉歸根 墜在你心間
幾分憂鬱 幾分孤單 都心甘情願
我的愛像 落葉歸根
家... 唯獨在你身邊

My head lifts to gaze the endless gray clouds
That season is called loneliness
My backpack is full of personal necessities
And that is how my road began
The warmth of the sun cannot be seen in the day
The blue of the moonlight cannot be seen in the night
There is no choice but to choose a cold beginning
Staying here will only have regret

Fate's arrangement
Abiding nature's logic
No one is able to uncover the riddle

Oh... Far from hometown, No extreme sobbing
Transforming into autumn leaves
I’m feeling like “Fallen Leaves to its Roots”
Falling into your heart
A little of sorrow, A little of loneliness
I am all willing to
My love is like “Fallen Leaves to its Roots”
Home… will only be by your side

I wish to accompany you to find back
The eternity which was lost
When I speak you were silent
And only a dream was left

I’m feeling like “Fallen Leaves to its Roots”
Falling into your heart
A little of sorrow, A little of loneliness
I am all willing to
My love is like “Fallen Leaves to its Roots”
Home… will only be by your side

Day 11

I have been back in Toronto 11 days. The first 4 days I was haunted... haunted by dreams... dreams about her of course. Perhaps I really am going crazy...

As I settle back to my so-called normal life, I do admit that there doesn't seem to be much sense for me to move over and leave everything I have here behind. I mean, I got a decent job w/ decent pay, I have my best friends here, and my family. Why shouldn't I stay?...

Because she is not here...

I don't understand it myself... this... endless debacle. It's been 3 years... 3 years... I am crazy.

Most people would think that I am hopeless, like I am clutching onto straws. I can't explain it. If I could, I would try to fix it. But I can't. I don't know why. I just know... I can't stop.

So I will keep walking this road I have decided upon. Perhaps this road will not lead to what I expect, but whatever the end, it is where I am supposed to be. That is what faith is about.

All things are possible with God. I just ask that I be fearless as I take each step, no matter what may cut my feet on the way...