Sunday, March 15, 2009
There's too much confusion here...
"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief."
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
It's been a long time
Not sure if anyone still reads this, but yeah, it's been a very long time.
As our basement is approaching being completely finished, what's left is to take a look at all the boxes of stuff we've accumulated and see if we can actually get rid of any of them. No small feat as we've filled up 2 garages AND a sitting room full of boxes. Unbelievable...
I happened to go through 3 boxes of things that were mine tonight and cleaned them out. Two of the boxes were full of my notes and homework from high school. I couldn't believe I kept so much of it. I had things from Grade 10 to OAC!! Sorting through it all, I couldn't help but think about that period of my life... it was a period of my life that I had many many many regrets about and I was really glad when it was over. So many what if's... so many mistakes...
Reflecting about it as I was cleaning made me imagine in my head that if when I die, I would be transported back to around that time of my life with the full knowledge of how I had lived before and given a second chance to relive it all... haha silly I know, but it was a way for me to kill the time while I sorted through piles and piles of paper. What different choices would I make? How different would my life ended up? What mistakes would I have avoided (and what new ones would I end up making instead)? Would my friends change? Knowing how I first met one of my best friends in a very unfriendly scenario, would I have been able to repeat it exactly so that our friendship would have started as it did? What if it didn't happen and the friendship did not exist after? A sci-fi fan's wet dream of course. Also, if I acted much more mature for my age at the time b/c of my knowledge, wouldn't that be weird? As well, if the gov't found out I had knowledge of the future, well, I would expect to be abducted by some country eventually... haha.
Well, it just goes to show how badly I view my high school life and the year or so before and after it. I was a silly boy. Still am... wondering how different I could have been... silly indeed.
As our basement is approaching being completely finished, what's left is to take a look at all the boxes of stuff we've accumulated and see if we can actually get rid of any of them. No small feat as we've filled up 2 garages AND a sitting room full of boxes. Unbelievable...
I happened to go through 3 boxes of things that were mine tonight and cleaned them out. Two of the boxes were full of my notes and homework from high school. I couldn't believe I kept so much of it. I had things from Grade 10 to OAC!! Sorting through it all, I couldn't help but think about that period of my life... it was a period of my life that I had many many many regrets about and I was really glad when it was over. So many what if's... so many mistakes...
Reflecting about it as I was cleaning made me imagine in my head that if when I die, I would be transported back to around that time of my life with the full knowledge of how I had lived before and given a second chance to relive it all... haha silly I know, but it was a way for me to kill the time while I sorted through piles and piles of paper. What different choices would I make? How different would my life ended up? What mistakes would I have avoided (and what new ones would I end up making instead)? Would my friends change? Knowing how I first met one of my best friends in a very unfriendly scenario, would I have been able to repeat it exactly so that our friendship would have started as it did? What if it didn't happen and the friendship did not exist after? A sci-fi fan's wet dream of course. Also, if I acted much more mature for my age at the time b/c of my knowledge, wouldn't that be weird? As well, if the gov't found out I had knowledge of the future, well, I would expect to be abducted by some country eventually... haha.
Well, it just goes to show how badly I view my high school life and the year or so before and after it. I was a silly boy. Still am... wondering how different I could have been... silly indeed.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
My Meaning Of Life
I am who I am. And no one can take that away from me.
Except myself and Him.
So here I am. And that's all I need to know as long as I live.
Except myself and Him.
So here I am. And that's all I need to know as long as I live.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Be Proud Of Civil Affairs...(Not For The Squeamish Or Those @ Work)
(Reprinted from an email I sent out to ppl)
As you may or may not know, I fully support the Afghanistan mission. Iraq is a different story altogether, but that's another discussion entirely. I'm not here to convince you to be supportive if you weren't before or anything, but the fact is that we and other allied countries are there now and that pulling out too soon would be a grave mistake.
In a computer forum I frequent, one of the posters is a 'mercenary'. You'd probably be thinking that this is one of those horror stories about a merc losing control and slaughtering a bunch of people for no good reason. Far from it. There is something called 'Civil Affairs' in the US Military. I'll let the thread explain what that is w/ a snippet here:
"In a nutshell, CA (Civil Affairs) engages the local populace. They are intended to be a sort of emissary team who win the local populace over by bringing in needed services and/or items. They attempt to establish goodwill and rapport with the locals. They spend more time deployed than almost any unit in the entire inventory, they do most of their work outside the wire, and do so with minimal security most of the time so as not to present a heavy-handed or intimidating appearance."
A lot more useful than what we usually see in the news right? Anyways, I encourage you to read the thread this man started along with all the pictures. Despite what you see in the news and what the popular opinion is, I think we are making a difference there and need to continue for as long as it takes. His story is about a small medical clinic that CA has opened and moves around from village to village. Sure, perhaps we really should be focusing more on things like this than the 'military' aspect of the mission. But I ask you, what point is there to have all these medical clinics pop up if there's no security to guarantee that they won't be bombed by those extremists? Would anyone in their right mind want to volunteer at these clinics if their lives were not guaranteed and have a higher risk of dying than being in an actual war itself? Both the military and humanitarian missions are equally important, because one will guarantee the continuation of the other in a safe(r) environment. It's a very difficult task, but things like this are not to be taken lightly. There is no easy 'kill the big bad guy and win the game' way of doing things in real life. This is no action movie. This is the way the world works.
So, if you're still interested, here's the link: (REMINDER, GRAPHIC AND CONTAINS SOME FOUL LANGUAGE)
Be Proud Of Civil Affairs
Lots more pics here:
Link
I SUPPORT OUR TROOPS IN AFGHANISTAN, especially when they volunteer to do things like this.
As you may or may not know, I fully support the Afghanistan mission. Iraq is a different story altogether, but that's another discussion entirely. I'm not here to convince you to be supportive if you weren't before or anything, but the fact is that we and other allied countries are there now and that pulling out too soon would be a grave mistake.
In a computer forum I frequent, one of the posters is a 'mercenary'. You'd probably be thinking that this is one of those horror stories about a merc losing control and slaughtering a bunch of people for no good reason. Far from it. There is something called 'Civil Affairs' in the US Military. I'll let the thread explain what that is w/ a snippet here:
"In a nutshell, CA (Civil Affairs) engages the local populace. They are intended to be a sort of emissary team who win the local populace over by bringing in needed services and/or items. They attempt to establish goodwill and rapport with the locals. They spend more time deployed than almost any unit in the entire inventory, they do most of their work outside the wire, and do so with minimal security most of the time so as not to present a heavy-handed or intimidating appearance."
A lot more useful than what we usually see in the news right? Anyways, I encourage you to read the thread this man started along with all the pictures. Despite what you see in the news and what the popular opinion is, I think we are making a difference there and need to continue for as long as it takes. His story is about a small medical clinic that CA has opened and moves around from village to village. Sure, perhaps we really should be focusing more on things like this than the 'military' aspect of the mission. But I ask you, what point is there to have all these medical clinics pop up if there's no security to guarantee that they won't be bombed by those extremists? Would anyone in their right mind want to volunteer at these clinics if their lives were not guaranteed and have a higher risk of dying than being in an actual war itself? Both the military and humanitarian missions are equally important, because one will guarantee the continuation of the other in a safe(r) environment. It's a very difficult task, but things like this are not to be taken lightly. There is no easy 'kill the big bad guy and win the game' way of doing things in real life. This is no action movie. This is the way the world works.
So, if you're still interested, here's the link: (REMINDER, GRAPHIC AND CONTAINS SOME FOUL LANGUAGE)
Be Proud Of Civil Affairs
Lots more pics here:
Link
I SUPPORT OUR TROOPS IN AFGHANISTAN, especially when they volunteer to do things like this.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
The Ties That Bind
I've always wondered just what kind of person I am ever since I pulled off my stunt 4 years ago (Yes, I return back to that topic again that just won't stay dead for me). I didn't know if I was worth the air I breathed, if I was worthy to be the only son of my family, if the world really needed a dumbass like me.
Well, I should've known better... because deep down, all men really are created equal.
Equal in the sense that they will all face the same challenges, the same internal struggles, but we do so in different points of our lives, in different ways, and we all react/learn in our own way. Most of the time, we react all the same.
I no longer doubt because I know I'm not alone in my errors. I truly am a man just like any other. We all fault in the same way.
So how scary is it that I crucify another for doing something similarly stupid as I? Maybe I'm being unfair, but perhaps more so because this man is further ahead than I was to the point that paperwork was involved.
Paperwork that should have signaled a point of no return.
Of course, in today's society, not everyone shares that viewpoint. Things always seem to change huh. Then what's the point of going through all that? More than one life is impacted by all this. The fact that I've seen this more often than I need to really does make me wonder if I should bother anymore...
But the fact that I could hate so much makes me wonder how I feel about myself...
A counterpoint to all this though... why should I get so riled up when I've already given the same advice so many times that would have nicked this in the bud long before it got this far? Didn't listen to me? Too fucking bad.
Well, I should've known better... because deep down, all men really are created equal.
Equal in the sense that they will all face the same challenges, the same internal struggles, but we do so in different points of our lives, in different ways, and we all react/learn in our own way. Most of the time, we react all the same.
I no longer doubt because I know I'm not alone in my errors. I truly am a man just like any other. We all fault in the same way.
So how scary is it that I crucify another for doing something similarly stupid as I? Maybe I'm being unfair, but perhaps more so because this man is further ahead than I was to the point that paperwork was involved.
Paperwork that should have signaled a point of no return.
Of course, in today's society, not everyone shares that viewpoint. Things always seem to change huh. Then what's the point of going through all that? More than one life is impacted by all this. The fact that I've seen this more often than I need to really does make me wonder if I should bother anymore...
But the fact that I could hate so much makes me wonder how I feel about myself...
A counterpoint to all this though... why should I get so riled up when I've already given the same advice so many times that would have nicked this in the bud long before it got this far? Didn't listen to me? Too fucking bad.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
*beep beep* *beep beep*
"What the... I thought I finished tuning this thing already."
"Blue-9 to all units. My radar is picking up something. Can someone confirm the readings I'm getting?"
"Anyone?"
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
OMG THIS IS SOOO COOL!!.... oh wait...
Now THIS is interesting...
http://arstechnica.com/journals/thumbs.ars/2008/06/18/
kelloggs-has-a-new-message-lego-bricks-are-delicious-and-fun-to-eat
http://www2.kelloggs.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?product=8213
Initially I thought, "Woah, that's actually pretty cool! I'd so buy a box of that just to check it out." Then I thought to myself, "Hmm... those guys could be right. Last thing you need is your kid suddenly wanting to eat REAL Lego blocks b/c they can't tell the difference b/w the actual blocks and the fruit snack."
But then I thought again, "Wait a minute, aren't Lego's supposed to be for somewhat older kids anyway? They should be a bit more sharper than that. If your kid is too dumb to know the difference on the first bite..."
... anywayssssss, I still give it a cool! Now I want some.
http://arstechnica.com/journals/thumbs.ars/2008/06/18/
kelloggs-has-a-new-message-lego-bricks-are-delicious-and-fun-to-eat
http://www2.kelloggs.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?product=8213
Initially I thought, "Woah, that's actually pretty cool! I'd so buy a box of that just to check it out." Then I thought to myself, "Hmm... those guys could be right. Last thing you need is your kid suddenly wanting to eat REAL Lego blocks b/c they can't tell the difference b/w the actual blocks and the fruit snack."
But then I thought again, "Wait a minute, aren't Lego's supposed to be for somewhat older kids anyway? They should be a bit more sharper than that. If your kid is too dumb to know the difference on the first bite..."
... anywayssssss, I still give it a cool! Now I want some.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
Steppin' Out
"I thought you said you weren't ready for this yet?"
"I'm not. Which is why this is strictly a reconnaissance mission. There will be no combat involved. I still have to practice my flying skills if anything right?"
"If you say so. I still wonder if this is such a good idea."
"Don't worry. I know that sector. There's usually a lot of interference that produces false radar contacts, but that's what we're there for. To better fine-tune our detection. Nothing will happen there. Trust me."
"Alright. Just take care of yourself out there ok? You were in really rough shape after that last mission."
"Don't worry. I will. I can't stop flying forever, you know?"
Friday, May 30, 2008
The Final Nail in the Coffin
The time for delusion is over.
Yes, I probably was in love with the idea... but that wasn't being in touch with reality.
Deep down, I really knew I was just pushing myself. As I walked a bit faster in my road of self-discovery, I figured out that I can't push myself to do these things. I never could before when I was younger, so what makes me think that I can now?
It's just not me.
And the most important thing right now is, I have to find out Who.I.Am.
Moving there isn't looking so great now.
But moving out definitely does.
I need to get out of this house.
I hope I don't change my mind again, but I think we need to shelve Plan A.
Give me another week or two and see what's what.
I hate it when other people are right about me... that I talk too much and not take any action. I guess I'm like that though...
But the one thing that I need to say in response to that is...
Fuck it all.
Yes, I probably was in love with the idea... but that wasn't being in touch with reality.
Deep down, I really knew I was just pushing myself. As I walked a bit faster in my road of self-discovery, I figured out that I can't push myself to do these things. I never could before when I was younger, so what makes me think that I can now?
It's just not me.
And the most important thing right now is, I have to find out Who.I.Am.
Moving there isn't looking so great now.
But moving out definitely does.
I need to get out of this house.
I hope I don't change my mind again, but I think we need to shelve Plan A.
Give me another week or two and see what's what.
I hate it when other people are right about me... that I talk too much and not take any action. I guess I'm like that though...
But the one thing that I need to say in response to that is...
Fuck it all.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Vancouver: a high of 9 degrees C... Da Heck?!?!
One trip after another, although this one is for work versus play. Definitely a neat experience to go to another city on the company dime. So far, impressions of Vancouver is, simply put, it's not as large as Toronto. And even though I've only been here for a day or so, it doesn't seem as lively. Although I wonder if I can even say that given how little I am in downtown Toronto anyways.
Still, I can understand why a person really doesn't understand the world until he/she has visited these other places other than his/her hometown. It is pretty different over here. How exactly I don't know, but it feels like it. Probably the most obvious is how early things close relative to Toronto... well, 7pm versus 9pm, it still feels like quite a difference. Things like that I suppose.
I don't know how many places I can visit while I am here. I've already gone to Richmond to see that Aberdeen mall place. It's a pretty well designed place (it looks wayyy better than Pacific Mall) but it was rather empty although I think it's because it is Monday. I plan to see Stanley Park with my co-worker on Thursday, but that still leaves tomorrow and Wednesday. Have to see what I can do around here.
Can't wait to come back home though. I still have a lot of research to do.
Because I am chi sin, and you know it.
Still, I can understand why a person really doesn't understand the world until he/she has visited these other places other than his/her hometown. It is pretty different over here. How exactly I don't know, but it feels like it. Probably the most obvious is how early things close relative to Toronto... well, 7pm versus 9pm, it still feels like quite a difference. Things like that I suppose.
I don't know how many places I can visit while I am here. I've already gone to Richmond to see that Aberdeen mall place. It's a pretty well designed place (it looks wayyy better than Pacific Mall) but it was rather empty although I think it's because it is Monday. I plan to see Stanley Park with my co-worker on Thursday, but that still leaves tomorrow and Wednesday. Have to see what I can do around here.
Can't wait to come back home though. I still have a lot of research to do.
Because I am chi sin, and you know it.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
... and this will prove to be an interesting trip
(Blog entry regarding my trip to China currently under construction)
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Climbing Out
Tain: Elim. Promise me one thing.
Garak: I'm listening.
Tain: Don't die here. Escape. LIVE.
Garak: I'm listening.
Tain: Don't die here. Escape. LIVE.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Don't Look Back In Anger
I've read that the lyrics to this song actually doesn't make sense. No matter. I only need to know one thing... Don't look back in anger.
i.goofed
I fucked up. Again.
(Picks himself up from the floor)
(Positive thoughts)
I am still doing better than before.
I am still learning.
This isn't the end.
I.CAN.
(Picks himself up from the floor)
(Positive thoughts)
I am still doing better than before.
I am still learning.
This isn't the end.
I.CAN.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
There's that old saying... and in some ways, it's true. In others, not so. In mine, it's 50/50.
Yup, back to that topic again. Isn't this fun? :P
I don't know. You'd think that I'd write about something else... but there really isn't much for me to write about lately. Perhaps later on I will...
I haven't spoken to her voice to voice since mid-January. From that time, I usually converse w/ her online, and then there was the one time where things just got a bit ugly... although we've past that point fortunately for me... at least I hope so. It's funny how the whole time I talked to her online, I felt myself feeling distant... and it felt like that fateful year again... where I seemed to be living my own life again. Just... being here by myself doing my things, thinking about my things, thinking about here... losing my focus on what I need to do. I called her tonight just to see how she's doing (and absent-mindedly thinking it was new years for her already when it's still new years EVE. D'oh!). Hearing her voice brought everything back to the forefront again. I really should call her more often... but the timing is just lousy... we both got work and therefore can't really talk that much. Well, maybe I shouldn't expect to talk so much but you know how it is...
But then, I do find myself getting drawn back to the same problem. Things here are still going too well. Job-wise, I'm really doing good. Projects are rolling. I'm enjoying the things I'm doing at work. Of course, there's still the things outside of work I'm still a bit disatisfied with... but that's up to me to change obviously. My bet is that if things go as planned, I won't have to worry about it for too long :P
Let's see how it goes. It's only February. I know I am a bit disappointed at my current state of affairs still, but to change really old habits will take longer than a month to accomplish. As long as I keep at it I will eventually achieve what I want to achieve. Don't give up!
Yup, back to that topic again. Isn't this fun? :P
I don't know. You'd think that I'd write about something else... but there really isn't much for me to write about lately. Perhaps later on I will...
I haven't spoken to her voice to voice since mid-January. From that time, I usually converse w/ her online, and then there was the one time where things just got a bit ugly... although we've past that point fortunately for me... at least I hope so. It's funny how the whole time I talked to her online, I felt myself feeling distant... and it felt like that fateful year again... where I seemed to be living my own life again. Just... being here by myself doing my things, thinking about my things, thinking about here... losing my focus on what I need to do. I called her tonight just to see how she's doing (and absent-mindedly thinking it was new years for her already when it's still new years EVE. D'oh!). Hearing her voice brought everything back to the forefront again. I really should call her more often... but the timing is just lousy... we both got work and therefore can't really talk that much. Well, maybe I shouldn't expect to talk so much but you know how it is...
But then, I do find myself getting drawn back to the same problem. Things here are still going too well. Job-wise, I'm really doing good. Projects are rolling. I'm enjoying the things I'm doing at work. Of course, there's still the things outside of work I'm still a bit disatisfied with... but that's up to me to change obviously. My bet is that if things go as planned, I won't have to worry about it for too long :P
Let's see how it goes. It's only February. I know I am a bit disappointed at my current state of affairs still, but to change really old habits will take longer than a month to accomplish. As long as I keep at it I will eventually achieve what I want to achieve. Don't give up!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Space... The Final Frontier...
Don't you hate it when you watch a movie trailer and it practically gives away the whole movie? Like, what's the point of watching it after?
Of course, there's always just 'teaser' trailers that don't tell you much except the movie is coming. This is definitely what I call a 'teaser':
OH HELL YES... Unless the full trailer turns me off later, I am SO going to watch this.
Here's another teaser of a movie I loved. Yes, it's also ST... :P
Of course, there's always just 'teaser' trailers that don't tell you much except the movie is coming. This is definitely what I call a 'teaser':
OH HELL YES... Unless the full trailer turns me off later, I am SO going to watch this.
Here's another teaser of a movie I loved. Yes, it's also ST... :P
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Yesterday's Enterprise
This week has been nothing more than a huge clusterfuck on my part mostly. To the point I'm not sure if I've already ruined things for good. Don't know.
A dialog in the episode "Yesterday's Enterprise" on Star Trek TNG is what I have to tell myself everyday from now on:
Guinan: "This timeline must not be allowed to continue. Now I've told you what you must do. You have only your trust in me to help you decide to do it."
-------------------------------------------
(I felt like putting this song here since it seems fitting to a 'gotta get things done' mood... at least for me. There's no official video so you can ignore the video altogether.)
Aphex Twin - Girl Boy Song
A dialog in the episode "Yesterday's Enterprise" on Star Trek TNG is what I have to tell myself everyday from now on:
Guinan: "This timeline must not be allowed to continue. Now I've told you what you must do. You have only your trust in me to help you decide to do it."
-------------------------------------------
(I felt like putting this song here since it seems fitting to a 'gotta get things done' mood... at least for me. There's no official video so you can ignore the video altogether.)
Aphex Twin - Girl Boy Song
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