... and then it was gone...

All I have to say right now is, What.The.Fuck.Just.Happened???

I guess I've finally opened my eyes... that my senses have finally been able to see the reality in front of me that I had denied for so long... that even though I thought the door was still there, but in truth, as each day passed during these 3 years, there was a brick wall going up... one brick at a time... until finally, the door was sealed away forever...

Now I stand before this brick wall. And yet, I feel ok with that? I suddenly feel at ease? Then what the heck was I doing for the past 2-3 years??? My friends say that it's actually alright... that perhaps the recent events have given me the closure I need. To hear her actually talk about someone else other than me... for her to shed tears over someone other than me... I think that just did it... I truly realize that I am finished. For good.

So now, it seems like I don't even need to do anything anymore... well, I already set in motion the plan to go over, but I guess I no longer need to accomplish everything I originally thought I would. It's a weird feeling...

Of course, whether this feeling is permanent or not, that remains to be seen. Plus, there's no going back anyways so I might as well continue on course. I really hope this is it... I've done enough flipping back and forth to frustrate generations of psychiatrists for years to come.

I SERIOUSLY have no idea what I'm doing...