And I Ran... I Ran So Far Awayyyy...

Somehow, the theme of "running" came into my head last night as I struggled to get to sleep so I could make it to work this morning. I failed big time as I overslept by two hours, waking up at 7:15.... didn't get to the office until an hour later. Worse off, I had to work at the Airport Rd. datacentre so that's why it took so long. Fortunately, nothing was happening that needed my immediate attention. I'll just stay the extra hour to make up for the time I was late.

So why was I thinking about running yesterday? Simple... first one is obviously my desire to keep a jogging habit going. I missed last week, but I guess my huge ass walk downtown w/ Johnny was good enough... I haven't been able to jog more than 10 minutes anyways... my anemia won't allow me to go any further so far. I guess I should take it easy since I'm just starting off. Next is to take up a sport. One option has been golf as I know quite a few ppl that play. I could always do that easily. Second is someone mentioned some recreational volleyball. Might give that a shot too even though I suck majorly. Maybe this will help me build my upper body.. hahaha..... sigh...

Second reason is probably the one that disturbs me the most.... I want to get away from here.... just for a short while... I wanna take a vacation. Somehow, something made me feel completely sick to my stomach, something just made me wanna say.. "JUST FUCK THIS SHIT!" I just wanna walk away from it all.... just get away from certain things.... Maybe it's because I'm getting a very good sense of where I wanna be, who I wanna be around, and what kind of people I want to meet from now on. I'm starting to get a better sense of self identity that perhaps I've never truely realised until now. I have to admit that I now understand why I will never want to move to Asia. In pure simple terms, I just do not belong there. I belong here. I am a North American. I will never fit in anywhere else. That's it. I just don't fit in there...

Maybe I'm being stubborn again, and maybe I'm being selfish. Somehow, I just don't seem to give a rats ass anymore... I think after an entire life of bending my back for some people, I just can't do it any longer. Not that my back will turn straight rigid right away, because one cannot build a strong spine when there wasn't one there to start with =P. But, I just get the feeling I know what I want to get away from... and I think it's time to take that into consideration when I make some choices. However, it makes me feel like I'm running away from my problems again. Like as if I've ever really faced them seriously head on. It's just the way I've always been... ran from a fight until my back was against the wall... ran from responsibility... I just... keep running away. Right now, I feel like doing the same again. Just get away from everything... too bad I can't take time off. Maybe I should go somewhere during my 3 day breaks. Should be good enough for a road trip or something... but then, not like anyone can come with me... Oh well, alone time is something I've gotten too comfortable with anyways.