May 30, 1973

Today would have been Leslie's 34th birthday.

Yesterday, I went to Pacific Mall to buy a chestnut cake for today. Chestnut has always been her favourite. Not sure if we went to the right place but the cake is good.

This morning, we 3 siblings and dad met up at the cemetary at 10am. The monument is finally up. It was put up just this past weekend. Interesting that the timing worked out. They sent a picture of it to my mom and Vincent in HK so they saw how it looked. It's a pretty good monument. We are very pleased.

Having the monument suddenly makes this even more real to me... Before it was just a barren plot. But now, seeing the monument with the name... it just hits even deeper. I'll never forget that first visit to the morgue though... that image will never leave me.

It's definitely a bittersweet day. Happy 34th Leslie...

The Flightline Beckons...

No matter how much rest one might need, eventually one will be recalled back to service.


But usually, it is because one cannot ignore the call of duty. One will go back willingly on their own sooner or later.

Each pilot has gone through their moments of glorious triumph, and humiliating defeat...

None of that matters...

One flies because they love to fly.


Let's go

Fateful Friday

Well, yesterday was rather interesting to say the least...

Another nice lax day at work... then went to meet up with Mark and Priscilla for dinner. I haven't seen these two in months. Priscilla has been pregnant with twins and well... I think you can see where this is going... So the bunch of us meet up at Mark's for dinner that we've had scheduled since April cuz Anthony came back from San Fran for the week. Mark promised to cook, but nupe... didnt' happen (as Michelle predicted). We decide to go out to a vietnamese place nearby.

We walk out and probably was just 5 min out when Priscilla said her water broke. I didn't hear it, but we all just stopped in our tracks. Mark decided to head back and call the hospital to see what they should do. Surprisingly, Mark and Priscilla were very calm about it on the way back while Emily got a bit freaked out. For me, the feeling probably didn't sink in at that time. So Mark and Priscilla headed for the hospital while the rest of us ended up going to eat.

The call came about an hour later. Mark says it's happening tonight. So yeah... my friend now has kids. Wow...

Find out this morning that things are fine. Both babies have been born. Healthy weight. Both parents are very happy. But Priscilla has to rest so we'll have to wait a few days before we can see them. Hopefully tomorrow or Monday since Anthony will be flying back Monday afternoon.

Another chapter in our lives. What else will the future bring?
Well, one more marriage coming up at least, that's for sure.

... but all I want to know is what is in store for me?

I have no idea what I am doing...

I think I'm starting to understand a bit about my psychology when it comes to that certain topic of my life that seems to be everyone's favourite lately. I don't react well to pressure. In fact, my reaction to pressure is directly inverse to what the pressure is trying to accomplish. The more pressure I feel, the more likely I will end up doing nothing. While I know that everyone is trying to help me and try to get things going in my best interests, but for some odd reason I have this defense mechanism that just makes it all a wasted effort. Sometimes my perception of the pressure makes it worse. It might not be anything, but my reaction would make it seem like it was something. Yeah, it's probably quite frustrating for everyone...

In the end, it has to be my decision to do something right? If I don't, I don't. Well... I haven't really gotten that "feeling" that hit me so hard in 1997. Maybe it's a mistake to try to find that "spark" again with someone else. I'm not stupid though... I know that "spark" won't be the same, but still I kind of expect SOMETHING to be there... that little something that I cannot describe, yet when I feel it, I know I will take action.

So now, I'm a bit of a loss. Am I just holding back subconsciously still for no reason? What am I missing here? This latest "opportunity"... I haven't really capitalized on. I just don't know what to do. I'm just... frozen.

"I have no mouth, but Yours,
I have no voice, but Yours,
I have no Words, but Yours.

Send me Your voice, Lord.
Send me Your Words, Lord."

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Next Morning Edit: After sleeping on it, it's also possible that I'm giving myself too much pressure as well... but either way... pressure is baaaadddddd... =P

Avril 14th

Yes I know it's May, not April anymore...

You'll all probably roll your eyes about this, but I'm going to YouTube whore again. I put this on my Facebook already though but I'm just going to double-post it here for good measure. Love this song. I wouldn't mind trying to find the sheet music for this too... but then, I'd have to learn how to play the piano... d'oh!