It's interesting to truly see how much of a retard one was by walking back along the path to see what one had done and its consequences. Apparently I had forgotten a great deal of what I've done, but all I can see is the massive destruction that resulted from it. It's like I left a trail of napalm wherever I stepped.
I was hoping to walk back across a bridge I thought was still there... only to see that in my own foolish, stupid, black-hearted way, I had blown the bridge completely up.
So I guess that further concludes my journey back.Time to turn around again... this time for good.11:30pm EDIT: Time to rebuild the bridge. And it's going to take some doing.
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"I keep striving to win the prize for which Christ Jesus has already won me to himself. Of course, my brothers, I really do not think that I have already won it; the one thing I do, however, is to forget what is behind me and do my best to reach what is ahead. So I run straight toward the goal in order to win the prize, which is God's call through Christ Jesus to the life above."
- Philippians 3:12-14
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My God, what have I done? And I damn better have learned my lesson from all of this... To repeat this mistake again would kill me...